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Alright, the week of Thanksgiving Hallmark aired a movie EVERY night. And I have been struggling to keep up the pace. A Christmas Duet aired Monday, November 25 on the Hallmark Channel. If they add a movie every night on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries next year I may lose my mind. Let’s get to it.

The movie begins with our lead Averie, checking the work of two women making wreaths. It seems like a scheduled activity at her Inn. They both tell her the Inn feels like a home away from home. She hears a bell ding which lets her know that guests have arrived. Another rejected boyfriend has found love in a different Hallmark movie. I think this guy was maybe Wes in Write Before Christmas? Anyway, he’s there with his wife and daughter. Up from Texas to see snow! They ask her if they know her because she looks familiar. Hmm. She tells them that the town puts on a Christmas festival and different local businesses take turns hosting. She gives their daughter a gingerbread cookie and sends them on their way.

Next, a guy is walking a GOOD CHUNKY BOY through the park. A roasted chestnut vendor recognizes what a GOOD BOY this dog is and gives the man free chestnuts. He also thought maybe he looked familiar. Then he realizes that the man is a famous singer. Jesse! But didn’t he normally sing with someone else?

She finds her way to the kitchen where her best friend and business partner is baking up a storm. She is also due any day. This is sort of like the Gilmore Girls then…except Averie was not a teen mom. They chat about wishing to expand the Inn. The mayor, or city employee comes charging in. It’s an emergency! The farm where the festival was to be held has flooded so they can’t hold it there. He does think there is enough money to cover the damage AND hold the event elsewhere. I am very skeptical of that. But, if it was not the city’s fault, why would they be covering the flood damage? Isn’t that what insurance is for? Anyway, he asks if the “Blue Spruce Inn” would be willing to host instead? The girls readily agree.

Then, a hotel critic arrives at the Inn. The Blue Spruce is in the running for best winter lodge and could win $60k! Oh they could build a handful more cabins with that! She is a very odd and particular woman. She wants very particular tea and wants to make sure Averie is focusing on running the Inn and not getting distracted with planning the Christmas festival. Oh, excuse me, it’s called the Yuletide festival.

Susie overhears and is very excited. They wonder if they’re taking on too much. It’s not like she’s about to have a baby.

Backstage, Jessie is excited about his show. The record company is anxious for more hits and enthusiasm in his career is dwindling. But he’s just working so hard. He goes onstage.

Averie, Susie and her husband have a planning meeting for the festival. They have all kinds of things they want to do. A snowman Decorating Contest. That is original. Uh oh. Susie feels something or feels short of breath or something. They call the doctor and she tells her to just cool it. I’m not sure how sitting around planning does anything but I suppose if it gets her amped up, that’s not good. She’s got a video of Averie and Jesse playing their old holiday hit, “Wouldn’t Be Christmas”. She wants her to sing that song. But it’s a duet! She can’t sing it alone.

Back to the concert. Someone requests the famous Christmas song and he’s like no, that’s a duet only and I can’t do the high harmony. How about a plain old Christmas carol that I don’t need the rights for? Oh good. They have him sing like the whole song.

Averie is going through the checklist. Wearing a GREAT sweater. She puts on the music video of her and Jessie singing again. I don’t care who you are, do you really enjoy watching videos of your own self doing anything? Susie’s husband saves all of us and shows her a countdown sign he made. All that does is stress me out. He gives her some advice about how to get started. Her parents call. They are packing up to come visit for Christmas. They talk about hearing Jesse and demonstrate that they are generally silly geese.

The bell dings for a new guest. Who could it be? Ooooh it’s Jesse. And the good chunky boy ROWDY. They are confused about what the other is doing there. She tells him she owns the place. He is aghast. Boy they seem like they are just so different. He likes the open road of a tour and she likes to not do that. The manager shows up and she doesn’t pet Rowdy for long enough.

Averie agrees to show him around. She shows him the kitchen and Susie freaks out. I think I see her drooling. Just full meltdown. The Christmas tree farm is ready for her to pick out trees. Susie pushes Jesse to help Averie with the trees. She certainly can’t help. Susie, 9 months pregnant and WORKING FULL TIME for Averie and Jesse. She says his room isn’t ready so he can’t go. And then she says there are mice and Ms. Selig happens to hear. JOKES. But not joking about Christmas trees!

At the tree farm, they are both wearing the wrong shoes. Looks like they are at an actual tree farm. They catch up. Jesse has been too busy for Christmas for the last few years. Averie keeps changing the subject when he asks why she owns an Inn now. She is happy not touring and stuff though. Both single! Her phone rings a Christmas ring tone. Susie is wondering what is going on! But also, the hotel critic is lurking around and rejected SNICKERDOODLES. She forgot she has an interview with her! AAACK. Jesse offers to select and carry 12 trees back to the Inn.

Averie apologies to Ms. Selig. She is not impressed that Averie was focused on the festival. Averie says the Blue Spruce is her favorite tree because they have shallow roots but can withstand strong winds. She wanted to create a place that felt like a home away from home after so many years on the road. The City employee interrupts with another crisis. Surprise surprise, there is NO EXTRA MONEY for the festival.

5 days to pull off this festival and NO MONEY. Averie, Susie and her husband walk along downtown, grumbling about the festival getting cancelled. Susie asks if Averie misses singing with Jesse. She’s like, well he has a concert tonight and I’m sure he doesnt want to sing with me.

Au contraire mon frere. He’s watching the same music video. These people are so weird watching themselves over and over. His manager comes in and asks if he wants to go to the tree lighting. Maybe Rowdy would like to go for a walk? And with that, the GOOD CHUNKY BOY comes over with his leash. He is so helpful. Jesse is so lucky to have such a good chunky lab. Rowdy convinces him to go to the tree lighting. Doesn’t he have a concert there that night? I guess not…?

Jesse and his manager stroll through the town. They see a poster for another famous musician. His manager offers to call them. They run into Averie, Susie and Marshall. Susie drools all over Jesse and then her husband introduces himself. It’s great. Rowdy is a GOOD BOY and shakes his hand. That poor city employee has to deliver the bad news right before the tree lighting. But Averie interrupts him and says they’re asking that people donate to help the festival come together. Shouldn’t they do that anyway? Then she gets to light the tree.

Four days before festival time! Marshall is working away and Averie os talking to a group of people that will also be doing some work. Ms. Selig waves her over. She grumbles that the festival noise is bothering her. Averie offers to bring her a special breakfast. But isn’t it like the middle of the day? And also, I can hear the drills going. Shouldn’t she be a little apologetic? I mean, construction noise is pretty annoying. Jesse checks out.

Averie is watching herself sing again. Susie comes in and she closes her iPad. Susie totally calls her on it. She says she doesnt miss performing. At a coffee shop, Dan the manager and Jesse talk about whether Jesse really loves performing. He says yes.

Averie gets a call from her parents. They are stuck at the airport maybe? She asks if they are in DC so I’m wondering if this Inn is near there? It seemed like they were flying from Florida.

Uh Oh. Jesse and his team are snowed in too. Guess they’ll have to go back to the Blue Spruce.

The Texas family is off to town for Christmas shopping. They are looking for a daycare but Averie offers to take their daughter to help decorate in Santa’s village. They plan to head over on a horse drawn carriage. Jesse shows up and squeezes in with them. The three of them help set up in the village. The theater owner proves himself to be a weird dude. Jesse asks if he can still stay at the Blue Spruce. Good news! His cabin is available.

Jesse and Averie have another heart to heart. Jesse loved the pace of touring. Averie just liked the music part of it. And then a bunch of kids attack them with snowballs. Averie’s phone rings. Susie calls with a terrible emergency and Ms. Selig overhears again. Susie hears Jesse on the phone and starts drooling. The most important thing though is that Susie is ALL OUT OF INGREDIENTS. She has to make ALL THE COOKIES. She needs Averie to go get all the ingredients. But Ms. Selig pops in to the kitchen to ask about running out of ingredients. She is super judgey and then leaves. Averie and Jesse agree to get the ingredients while she’s out taste testing the hot chocolate. If that woman is donating it, shouldn’t she get what she gets and then not get upset?

While in town, the seemingly sole city employee approaches them and gives Jesse some notes about his singing. Keep your day job, Arnold. They head to Ms. Edith’s. Is this just a hot chocolate shop? How would that stay in business? They must also sell coffee. OOOH. Jesse coming in with ideas. A customization stand for the hot chocolate. I am ALL IN. Their song comes on the radio and she asks them to change it. Is that the only song they ever sang? Oh, no they had other songs. Averie says she doesnt listen to their music at all. He is aghast. Do other people really like hearing the sound of their own voice? I could never listen to myself. And then they get a little trapped at the hot chocolate store with their song on repeat. Shouldn’t she be happy about that? She’s probably getting royalties.

They play dominos while stranded at the shop. Or actually, they make a tower of dominos. Because no one actually knows how to play dominos. Except old men in the park. Finally, they decide they can leave.

Back at the Inn, the “storm” was NBD. It’s time for a COOKIE MAKING MONTAGE. Are they putting frosting on each other’s faces? YOU BET. Because people are always doing that in real life. Except Averie and Jesse are like very delicate about putting a drop of frosting each on their noses. It’s weird.

After all the cookie making, Averie tells them she has a Christmas tradition. Whoever has the sweetest tradition will get the treasure box. This seems pretty subjective. Anyway, they all go around and share a memory. It is lovely. Averie decides that Marshall is the winner and they get a blue spruce seed to plant for their little pup. In my opinion, Dan had the best memory though. After the memory sharing, the crew very obviously clear out and leave Averie and Jesse alone. They go outside and have a lovely moment. They ALMOST KISS and then her parents show up. Great work parents!

The parents are so happy to see Jesse. And they are just peak parents in this moment. Marshall asks Jesse to record a lullaby for his homemade mobile. Susie will literally crap her pants about that. Marshall tells Jesse the story of how they met. And I’d watch that Hallmark movie. He said he used to dream about building skyscrapers and never thought he’d have a wife and kids. This is his dream now. But that doesn’t make me tear up.

The next morning, there are only 2 days left before the festival! Susie is just baking away. Another great sweater. They chat about her and Jesse. Averie’s parents are chatting away with Ms. Selig. Talking all about Averie’s childhood. Again being PEAK parents. She takes her parents outside and they tell her how proud they are of her. They go look at the property and then go see the city employee. He s doing like choir practice or something and we hear coughing and he is being super weird. It would be fine if he was like trying to prevent her from knowing they’re all sick but then he doesn’t shake the parents’ hands because it’s cold and flue season. He invites them to an ugly sweater party. That sounds fun!

One more day left before the big festival! Averie runs into Dan checking out the festival set up. She invites them to Arnold’s ugly sweater party. Dan says that Jesse is so happy to be at the Inn. Dan runs into Ms. Selig and seems interested in her. He invites her on a carriage ride, but she is so freaked out by “heights” (?) that she declines.

It’s time for the ugly sweater party. The theatre guy is being token weird. Averie and Jesse get their sweaters all tangled up. Then Arnold grabs him to introduce him to some fans. Susie encourages Averie to tell Jesse how she feels. I feel like Susie is just working SO hard and is anyone noticing besides me? Averie goes to talk to Jesse and overhears him tell Dan that the roads are clear so they can just leave. She storms out.

Later that night, Averie is sitting at her fire pit thinking about how sad she is. Ms. Selig approaches her. She purchased some s’more fixins and shares them with Averie. She tells her about her late husband. How he always wanted to travel and didn’t get to. She also said he loved to decorate for Christmas and Averie makes the Inn feel like home. Jesse shows up and poor Ms. Selig doesnt even get to finish her little treat.

She tells him she heard him tell Dan he wanted to leave. But guess what, she MISSED that he didn’t want to leave. They are ABOUT to kiss AGAIN but this ding a ling can’t keep her phone on silent. Arnold calls with ANOTHER emergency. The choir is all sick and can’t sing. No carollers tomorrow? Who cares, says everyone. But then they decide they will sing a duet. THE duet.

She talks to her parents and says she actually isn’t going to agree to sing. When she goes back to her cabin, she sees the guitar and starts singing the song. Jesse hears her and comes out of his room. I can’t tell how this Inn is set up. She calls everyone’s rooms “cabins” but are they all spread out around the property? She seems to be sitting on the same couch Jesse was sitting on when he was writing. Also WHERE HAS ROWDY BEEN. He’s such a good boy.

Averie and her parents and the rest of the crew, oh good, there’s Rowdy…all decorate the tree. WHAT TIME IS IT? They’ve had time to go to a party, have a heart to heart around the fire, play the guitar AND decorate the tree? Averie even changed out of her ugly sweater.

It’s the big day! The Yuletide Festival! Ms. Selig has a note on her door. Averie and Jesse made her roasted chestnuts. That was her husband’s favorite thing. I’ve never had them. I’ve never even seen them for purchase? Uh oh. It’s baby time! Susie and Marshall head to the hospital. Then Dan gets a phone call from a big time singer. He wants Jesse to join him for his last show and then maybe the rest of his tour. But, it’s tonight. What is with people asking people to sing with NO notice?

The festival is going great. Lots of people doing all the fun stuff. Arnold says he’s excited for the duet. Dan finally gets Ms. Selig on that carriage ride. The Texan family finally realizes who Averie is. Jesse tells Averie about the concert. She’s like, you have to go. Duh.

She talks to her parents about it. She is not sure she can just sing on her own. Everyone wants both of them. I’m telling you, no one will care if there are singers or not.

Jesse is back in this…common area? Watching himself and Averie sing again. Memories. It’s show time but no Jesse. She says she can’t sing Wouldn’t be Christmas Alone. Jesse shows up and says she won’t have to sing alone. He can’t imagine her not being there. He doesn’t want to be a one man band!! And then they KISS! But it’s not over. They go on stag and sing. Everyone is stoked. It’s a decent song.

It’s Christmas morning and everyone exchanges gifts. Susie loses it over the mobile as expected. Ms. Selig is also there. She says they didn’t win the best winter lodge prize, but they do win a different prize that comes with the same amount of money! What organization is this that can impulse donate an extra $60k. Then she says she’s going to Europe and does Dan want to go with her? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG Phylis. Jesse considers putting in a recording studio at the Blue Spruce Inn. Rowdy remains a good boy. And that’s it! Let’s see how we stacked up.

• Small town girl
• Workaholic too busy for Christmas
• Jesse is trapped for at least a couple days in the small town.
• Christmas, ahem Yuletide Festival
• Christmas Tree Lighting
• Christmas Baking
• Snowball Fight
• Christmas puns
• A sassy and wise best friend
• Christmas montage

Total Score: 10/20

Our Christmas Love Song premiered on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries on Sunday, November 24. I have to admit, I was not looking forward to watching this one. I just thought it would not be great. In fact, I almost skipped it. But I watched it for you dumb dumbs. And guess what? It was not as terrible as I thought. Maybe that is because I was coming off of Cherished Memories. Let’s get it done.

The movie begins at the Grand Ol Opry. Our lead, Melody plans to sing a solitary Christmas song. It is brand new. Backstage, she talks to her manager about how she hopes her mentor, Connie Black loves the song.

We also see shots of a guy named Chase at his bar not wanting to watch her sing. Connie Black is in her own diner kind of half paying attention. Her ears perk up when she hears the song. It’s called “Heart of Christmas.”

The next day, Melody finds out that Connie claims that Melody stole that song. It sounds suspiciously like “Heart of Tennessee.” But good news, it definitely doesnt sound like Amy Grant’s Tennessee Christmas. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing? Anyway, Melody is like, no I wrote that song like, ten years before Heart of Tennessee. But she sympathizes with Connie because all country music DOES sound the same. So they decide to meet without any lawyers to talk about legal options. I panic for all parties. Connie’s manager says if she can prove that she wrote the song before Heart of Tennessee by Christmas, they won’t sue her. Melody is like, well I wrote that with my dad in high school. It’s just kind of been in my head since then. Oh boy. She decides to go home for Christmas because what else is she going to do? Also, maybe she can find some sheet music or doctor some pages to look 20 years old.

Her mom owns a candy store. She surprises her mom and sister inside. Then, she shoves her sister aside for…licorice? What a waste. Her sister is like, hey so glad you’re here. Can you do school pick up and the grocery shopping? LOVEYOUSOMUCH.

Melody picks up her niece, Lucy at school and they head to the grocery store. Uh oh. She sees Chase, her old flame. She hides behind a poinsettia. Hope she doesn’t get poisoned! But anyway, I think I would have just abandoned my niece and fled in that situation. For some reason, he approaches her and they have an awkward exchange. His cart is overflowing with quarts of eggnog. Isn’t there a better way for him to purchase large quantities of eggnog for his bar? Oh, excuse me, it’s a tavern. I forgot we were in Middle Earth. So he’s like yeah you should come see all the renovations at the tavern. It’s still carved into a hillside but the inside is new! How many hobbit jokes can I make before you stop reading?

Back at the Prancing Pony, Chase picks up the guitar and reminisces about the good times. He begins to wonder about elevensies.

Back at the girls’ house, they have all the supplies to bake cookies. And so begins a cookie baking montage. The cookies look beautiful. That mint green usually doesnt seem Christmasy when I make it but they’re all pros. The sisters talk about the song and her current/ex boyfriend and then Chase. Jillian(?) the sister, suggests she invite Chase to the tree lighting.

Later, Melody drops by the Prancing Pony. Chase’s sister, Dot is very pleased to see Melody. Dot is doing great work in this movie. Melody likes the renovation but thinks they need more Christmas trees. Hobbits do love Christmas. Chase and Dot whisper about inviting Melody to the tree lighting. He isn’t sure about inviting her.

After that, Melody goes to her mom’s house to help her make…Reindeer treat holders? For something? Apparently her mom and dad used to make them together. She goes into her old room which is untouched. How many people’s room in their parents house are untouched like that, I’m curious? Don’t these parents ever host other people? Wouldn’t you be stoked to turn one of those rooms into a cute guest room or something? And make your adult children take all their crap to their OWN house? Anyway, she finds her old song book but the song she needs is not in there.

Back downstairs, her mom suggests she invite Chase to the tree lighting. Everyone is just working so hard for these two.

She heads to the music store next. She used to play there or they gave him some of her sheet music. The music teacher is so happy to see her but he doesn’t have that song. But, he does have a signed photo of another country star named Hunter Hamilton up in the store. He comments that a duet with the two of them is the only thing missing maybe in his life? No, that would be weird. Her career. Yeah, that’s it.

Lucy is in the middle of a lesson in the back of the shop. She wanders back to see her. Chase is sitting in there with her wearing a Santa hat. He is embarrassed, as he should be. They both blurt out an invitation to the tree lighting. On her way out of the room, she tunes his guitar.

While she’s getting read for the tree lighting, she talks to her manager on the phone. She tells the manager to take a chill pill and enjoy the holiday.

They meet up at the hot chocolate stand. Everything is going great. Lucy invites them to go to Santa’s Wonderland after the lighting. Isn’t it going to be a little past her bedtime? Melody shares that the tree lighting is something she and her dad used to share together. It was just their thing. Okay, but why? Why wouldn’t the mom and sister go too? And doesnt her poor sister have anything that’s just her and her dad’s? Melody has all the music and now the tree lighting? Geez Louise. She also shares that she got to push the button as a six year old. Good for you, Melody.

The mayor stands up and makes a speech. Melody gets a shout out and Chase is a good sport. Then, the mayor calls Melody up to push the button. She asks Lucy to help. Does anyone ever die of embarrassment about impromptu Christmas tree light button pushing? I would.

Later, she tells Chase about the dilemma with her song. He seems to also know that she wrote it in high school. Seems like she should be collecting declarations from all these people in town but she didn’t talk to her lawyer so she doesnt know to do that.

He tells her he feels like he’s in a rut lately. He likes running the tavern but he kind of had to take over after his dad died. It’s not really his dream. Thy have a nice moment but Lucy rudely interrupts and orders them to see a nutcracker or something.

The next morning, Melody’s sister is singing in the church choir. She is wearing a great green dress. Back at home, she shares how much she loves singing in the choir, especially since her husband is deployed. Lucy bounds down the stairs with her guitar. She sings Melody’s Christmas song. She’s pretty good too!

Later they go to some kind of Christmas market. The pastor (?) asks her to help direct the choir for the five more days that she’s in town. Melody and Chase look at the trees in the tree lot and they inexplicably all have ornaments on them.

Back at Connie’s diner, she and her husband are stringing popcorn on wire for their Christmas decoration. Do people do this in real life? I’ve tried and the popcorn always breaks. She and her husband/manager talk about the song and the state of her career. She is sort of second guessing this whole lawsuit business but her husband is eager to revive her career. So, he thinks this may help? Or maybe a settlement will give them money or something? Connie says she’s in a rut. Hey! Just like Chase! Connie needs some new music.

Hunter Hamilton is in his office listening to Melody’s new song. He tells his assistant that he wants her in his Christmas show. Don’t people book these things like, months in advance? In what world are people being invited to sing in a concert a few days before? Even if you’re a pro, don’t you need time to practice and stuff?

At the music shop, Melody is working on a NEW Christmas song. Chase wanders in and starts helping. I think he is playing the guitar and they start singing together. The music store owner comes in. They talk about the Christmas Concert the town used to put on. Melody offers to sponsor it. And then the music store owner and Chase also agree to pitch in. It’s on! And in like five days!

The next day, Burt, Connie’s manager, calls Melody’s manager and is like, why don’t you guys just settle already? Melody’s manager panics. Again, this is why lawyers talk to lawyers. These two shouldn’t be hashing this out one on one.

Chase and Melody are like judging or deciding on acts for the Christmas Concert. There are all kinds of different acts. So is it actually a PAGEANT?

Melody’s manager calls her and is like maybe we should just settle! Melody tells her to take an even bigger chill pill and then turn off her phone.

Later, Melody is helping with the church choir. She asks the pastor if she ever left any of her music there. No luck.

Melody ends her full day by wrapping presents with her mom. She is fully zoned out. She is just trying to figure out where that sheet music should be. Her mom asks her to get more wrapping paper in her dad’s office. In the office she sees her gold record.

Maybe the next day, Melody helps Chase decorate two trees at the Prancing Pony.

Her manager isn’t answering her phone, just having the time of her life with her nephew. Hamilton Hunter’s assistant is trying desperately to get ahold of her. She seems to be using her phone’s camera feature a lot!! But apparently is just ignoring all her calls.

They are just decorating away and then.. they kiss! We have like 30 minutes left in this movie!! Dot walks in and they have a wonderfully awkward exchange. After Dot leaves, they talk down the moment.

Back in his office, Hunter Hamilton tells his poor assistant to track Melody down. But then Hunter decides to go himself.

Melody and her family are getting ready to eat dinner when the doorbell rings. Her sister answers it to see Hunter Hamilton waiting outside. She freaks out and slams the door in his face. He eats dinner with them and invites her to sing the next day. She is a crazy person so she says yes. But then realizes it’s the same day as the town Christmas concert!! What a dilemma.

She stops by the town Christmas concert venue to talk to Chase about it. Chase is like, well duh you should go! What an amazing opportunity. She is like, mad that he’s so supportive. It is a weird exchange. She leaves and is sort of upset.

Later, she asks her mom about it all and her mom gives her some weird advice. She’s like, your heart will know when it’s time…What in the world does that mean? Then they talk about the rhyme her dad said about the gold being behind her gold record and she realizes where the sheet music is.

Chase and his sister talk about his feels and she convinces him to talk to Melody. He decides to go to her house but she’s already left for Nashville. He goes back to helping set up the concert but is a little snipping.

At Connie’s diner, we learn that she was also invited to perform at Hunter’s Christmas concert. Melody walks in and wants to talk just as gals. They chat about the good old days and finally, Melody shows her the original sheet music. Connie is kind of apologetic but not enough in my opinion. Like she doesn’t explain herself very well. Melody seemingly says it’s all forgiven but she still seems a little snippy too. Connie is like, maybe we can sign together and Melody is like yeah we’ll see.

It’s also Christmas Concert time in Melody’s home town. The mayor introduces everything. Jillian and Lucy sing a nice song together and livestream it so Lucy’s dad can watch it wherever he is. That’s nice.

Then it’s Chase’s turn. He starts singing the new song alone. Melody sneaks up behind him and starts singing too. Everyone loves it. They kiss onstage!! After the song, they go off stage and chat about their feelings. The mayor interrupts and is like, everyone wants you to do an encore. They go back out and everyone is cheering. Chase says, you know what the first rule of show business is? Melody replies, always leave them wanting more? And then, Chase says, “More please.” And they kiss again! At this moment, I say “ew” so loudly that my husband came running to me because he thought maybe I had encountered a bug in our home. But guess what? I’ve repeated this final scene to at least three others and that is their exact reaction too. SO GROSS. Alright, let’s see how we stack up.

• Christmas Pageant
• Christmas Tree Lighting
• Christmas Baking
• Christmas puns
• Christmas montage

Total score 5/20

Cherished Memories: A Gift to Remember 2 premiered on the Hallmark Channel on Sunday, November 24. This is a sequel to the “While You Were Sleeping” adjacent “A Gift to Remember” from last year. Everyone was just dying for more of these guys’ story. I’ll tell you what. Can we put this movie title in the category of “Well let’s use this one as a place holder until we think of something better”? Yes, I think we must. But stay tuned for Time for YOU to Come Home for Christmas because that might be the worst one this year. Alright well, I’m still two movies behind so let’s just dive in.

The movie begins at the ol bookstore. I don’t totally remember the plot from the last movie but I think the new fact is that Darcy is running this store. It’s decorated for Christmas and she still has that impractical bike as if this took place in Copenhagen, not Philadelphia. Get a road bike, girl! Bailey the dog continues to be a GOOD BOY. She goes outside and Mrs. Henley is doing some exterior decorating. Her nephew is coming soon though so she’s going to be done doing that work and will just focus on the nephew. Very exciting. Both his parents are deployed over Christmas so that is a real bummer to say the least.

She goes over to the Liberty Rec Center and meets up with Aiden and they are doing some kind of reading with the kids or crafts or something. The kids ask if they’re boyfriend and girlfriend and apparently this is supposed to create some kind of anticipation like oh are they still together? Well yeah they are. They agree to meet up later to decorate her Christmas tree.

Back at the bookstore, she tries to get the rival bookstore “Books, Books, Book” to donate to her book drive. They decline. How is there enough business for two local book stores in this neighborhood. Anyway, this makes Darcy quite huffy. Her sweet little store employee tells her more horrifying news. They only fill their 12 ounce hot chocolate with 9 ounces of hot chocolate and then the remaining 3 ounces are whipped cream. I, for one, am AGHAST. This is a TERRIBLE business practice. Hot chocolate is WAY cheaper than whipped cream. So, if she’s pinching pennies, this is the wrong way to do it. Also, wouldnt people generally be stoked about the extra whipped cream at no extra charge? So they’e all dumb dumbs.

Poor auntie Monica Henley is having trouble connecting with Marcus. He is understandably bummed that both his parents are gone. He is just laying in his room reading. Monica is doing a great job though. She’s giving him space and made him his favorite food but not pressing him.

Aiden and Bailey shows up at Darcy’s to help decorate her tree. He has a casual, giant Cost Plus World Market Bag full of decorations. I bet they have great Christmas decorations at reasonable prices. They all live in the same apartment building. That is convenient. Bailey proceeds to be a GOOD BOY. Aiden gets a box out and Darcy flips. It is a Christmas Village made by her dad, given to her mom and she has had a hard time putting it out on display. She also doesnt talk about it to anyone. But then she decides to put it on display.

They also talk about his big one year check up from his head injury from last year’s movie. They both seem a little nervous about it.

Back at Monica’s house, poor little Marcus has fallen asleep but she notices that he ate the macaroni and cheese.

The next morning, everyone is in the lobby at the same time. Monica asks Aiden and Darcy if they will help with her sad little nephew. The nephew comes out of Monica’s apartment and sees Bailey. He immediately perks up because dogs are magic. And because Bailey is SUCH A GOOD BOY.

They all walk to the Liberty Rec Center together. Marcus is impressed by the tree out front. They tell him that everyone puts an ornament from their home on the tree.

At the hospital they get good news. That is pretty much the end of that story line.

Later, it is tree decorating time. Marcus is obsessed with Bailey. Of course he is. He is a very good boy. And now they seem to be having a little tree lighting ceremony for that Rec Center Tree. Great work folks.

Back at Monica’s house I think, Aiden is helping her with dinner. He tells her how Darcy shared the story about the Christmas village with him. She suggests he make Darcy a second Christmas village. Good idea, Monica! Luckily, he has six months to make that for a Christmas present. Oh wait.Luigi who might be Monica’s boyfriend but is also a neighbor, shows up with Italian food. Meanwhile, Darcy is still at the bookstore. A woman comes in in a full state of panic. Cut to five minutes of commercials.

Darcy arrives at Monica’s looking downcast. The Rec Center is closing. Apparently, this is not a government building. It is a privately owned building that provides various free activities and services to the neighborhood but is…not run by the city or county? And now, understandably, the building owner has realized that this whole situation is costing him an inordinate amount of money and he has not placed the building into a 501(c)3 organization so he is getting no tax breaks for his trouble. So, he decides to sell it. Maybe the county is leasing the building from him. I don’t know. It just seems unlikely that the city or county wouldn’t at least own a rec center. Or like, have a long term lease agreement so they couldn’t just sell it without notice.

So, Aiden and Darcy decide they should meet the owner of the building to convince him not to sell the building. Great. You know, it is pretty rich that Hallmark and Hallmark Movies and Mysteries is part of premium cable subscriptions, every commercial break is literally 4-5 minutes long, and their movies are like nonstop Balsam Hill commercials and yet they continually have these anti capitalist plot lines.

They are at the dog park with Marcus and Bailey. Marcus is in heaven. Darcy and Aiden talk about their strategy with the building owner. Bless their hearts. Then they decide to play Marco Polo in this weird structure.

Later, Darcy is over at Monica’s baking. Luigi brings over some big coffee cans. Oh it is some kind of special bread that Aiden’s mom made.

Back at Aiden’s, he and Marcus are working on the Christmas Village. Darcy stops by with the bread in a lovely little basket with cute little kitchen cloths draped around it like she’s Little Red Riding Hood. Bread for you today good sir? She asks Aiden. Back at Monica’s, Monica and Luigi are like, we helped her do all that and she doesn’t even leave us one gd loaf?

I tell you what, Darcy doesn’t have much going for her, but she does have great sweaters. Not as great as Ashley Williams in Holiday Hearts, but they’re great. Today, she’s rocking a lovely short sleeve number. I’m all in for it. She got Aiden some first edition of a book he likes. Darcy, I hate to break it to you but he is going to be…disappointed in this gift after all the work he’s putting in to yours. Speaking of which, Aiden is still working on that gosh darn village.

He is super stressed about it. He realized that it was pretty dumb to start a project of this magnitude a little more than a week before Christmas. So he wants to bail. Marcus is like, no! You promised me! And Aiden is like, this isn’t about you? But then he remembers that he can call in a favor to one of his student’s dads. The dad can like, laser cut all the wood and then he just has to paint it. I hope he pays him. And then Marcus’s dad FaceTimes him. Marcus in typical kid fashion, immediately shows his dad the dog. Bailey is happy to FaceTime with the dad because he is a GOOD BOY.

The next day? They are at an outdoor cookie making contest. Marcus is judging. Kids seem to be making the cookies so, no thanks. I’ve seen my kids bake. Their grubby little mitts are in and out of the dough nonstop. One time, my youngest full on spit into some cookie dough for some reason? Why? Because he’s an animal. But anyway, thank goodness they’re letting a kid judge the contest because kids don’t care about that sort of thing in a baked cookie.

Does this poor little employee ever get to leave the store? She seems trapped there. So, this energetic young man came in to the store earlier in the movie and got a book published called “The History of Information Technology.” When he came in the first time, Darcy politely agreed to carry four copies. I am assuming carrying these cost her like $100. He is elated that she is going to buy four. Okay, so the guy is back and she agrees to buy more copies. Bless their hearts. She’s not being a very good business person.

Oh speaking of business people, Darcy and Aiden go to meet with the building owner, David. It goes exactly as you might expect. He’s like, well I am tired of keeping up an old building and I am basically running a government service out of my own pocket so that’s weird. Darcy gives a totally pointless speech.

Later, Monica stops by Aiden’s to see how the village is going. Darcy calls and he doesnt want her to see his work so he and Bailey go over there. They drink not chocolate out of boot shaped mugs. Those are cute. Where are they from? Bailey is also allowed on all the furniture. And why shouldn’t he be? He is a good hypoallergenic boy. Or maybe he isn’t. Who cares. Darcy comes up with an idea. Why don’t they try and make the building an historic landmark? That way, David is stuck with it!! He gets to keep paying for all the upkeep and not receive a dime for it. And why shouldn’t he? He’s a successful businessman so he shouldn’t have any choice about whether and how he is charitable. And also, maybe the rec center managers have a plan in place? Maybe they’re going to move into a new nicer building? Come on Darcy. Use that silly blonde brain of yours. Nope.

So she talks to someone at the city to make it a landmark. Great work Darcy. Later, David walks into his conference room and sees that the Liberty Rec Center has decorated it for him. So helpful.

Later, they are window shopping. Darcy wonders if she should get Monica a scarf for Christmas. SUPER PERSONAL DARCE!

Meanwhile, Bailey is being a good boy as per usual. Aiden and Marcus putting in some quality time on that village again. Darcy stops by by Aiden shoos her away.

The next day, Darcy sees Books Books Books’ holiday party invite. They are doing it on the same night as her store and just being so UNCONVENTIONAL. Darcy sings Tradition from Fiddler on the Roof but no one notices.

Back at her house, she wraps presents and burns more of that coffee can bread. Was it at least going to be from Monica this time?

The next day they’re doing more crafts at the Rec center. It seems like all they do there is crafts. Hey I have an idea. If this Rec Center is privately funded, why don’t all the neighborhood businesses pitch in and buy the building and run it? See how they like it. Maybe they will. And then it will be a win win. But no, this landmark designation has David stuck. Can’t sell the building until it is resolved. Darcy wonders if maybe he’d like a framed certificate.

That evening, Monica stops by with her jewelry box. She offers to let Darcy borrow some for the Rec Center Christmas party. Darcy keeps trying on giant rings when she really needs some bold earrings with the dress she picked. They chat like a couple of hens about stuff I can’t remember.

The next day Marcus pretends to do a madlib to get Darcy’s old home address. Everyone is helping get this Christmas Village done.

That night must be the night of the party. Marcus is working in his tie and Monica helps him. Monica is wearing a great dress. Sad little Marcus says he misses his parents but he’s glad to be with his aunt.

At the bookstore, David storms in and is understandably so upset about the landmark situation. Darcy is annoyingly dense about it. Then David notices the display and the like, 20 copies of that History of IT book.

Aiden and Marcus creep on Darcy’s old house. They stand across the street staring at it like a couple of serial killers. Bailey sits next to them being a good boy. The owner of the house comes outside and invites them in like a dumb dumb. I bet it is because of Bailey. Anyway, inside, they chat about why they were being creepsters outside and the woman has something for them. It turns out that Darcy’s dad made that house to be part of the village but never gave it to her mom. It was all wrapped up in the shop downstairs. So this is great news for all of us.

Back at the bookstore, Darcy’s headlining author cancels the day before the party. She got a better offer from Books Books Books. Darcy storms over there and who should be managing the store? Headshot girl from “Write Before Christmas”. Good for you girl. Anyway, they’re both pretty snippy with each other.

At the Rec Center party, Darcy mentioned that they go all out. With who’s money though? Two older ladies drool all over the floor looking at Aiden. One of them is like, you look like a cartoon prince! And I wonder if this is a compliment? And then I realize that he actually DOES look like a cartoon prince. Later, at their table, they get some marriage advice from an older couple.

The rec center manager gets up and is about to give a speech. I think she introduces David, the owner for an announcement. Or he just takes the stage. Anyway, he announces that he is renovating the building in the new year and keeping the building. Oh, so no one gets to learn any lessons here. I feel like there were better ways to keep the rec center going.

Outside, Darcy thanks David, even though it’s all her fault and he just chose not to fight it. So, it turns out, that the nerd who wrote the History of IT is his nephew and he was genuinely touched that Darcy took such a hit to her business to carry so many copies of his book. Again, no one learns any lessons.

The next day is the book store party or the nerd book signing, or maybe both. But oh no! She needs to sign something for the landmark application on Christmas Eve. Only she can sign it! She races off on her little bike. It turns out, they were trying to get her out of there so they could set up the Christmas Village f or her and Aiden can show her before the party. Except she got back too soon. And then she lets in all the people waiting outside. Then we hear that the power went out at Books Books Books. Oh, that’s a shame. Let’s invite them to our party where they will buy books instead! Everyone is like, oh you’re being so nice. And I’m thinking, no that’s not being nice, that’s seizing an opportunity to make some extra scrill y’all! Capitalism.

And they’ve decided to let the nerd do a book reading. Oh dear. And everyone is sitting there, bored to tears. Everyone is being so polite by not getting up. But come on, no one is buying that book. Should have been an ebook in the textbook section or something. Somehow he was able to connect the creation of the internet to Christmas though, so good job.

Mary the manager of Books Books Books approaches Darcy and is just blown away by her kindness. And then she notices that all her customers are spending money in Darcy’s store not hers.

A true Christmas miracle occurs-all of the IT books are sold. Darcy is so busy she doesnt have time to see the Christmas present.

Finally, she sees it and is just blown away. She loves it. Obviously. Then Monica tells Aiden that Marcus’s dad is FaceTiming them. He tells Marcus he can’t hear very well. Monica suggests they go outside. And, what do you know, but Marcus’s dad is there! I hated this movie and I still teared up when Marcus’s dad showed up. And then, it’s just Darcy and Aiden left outside. Oh, is that a present under that outdoor tree? It’s another wooden building. Their “future house.” Inside the house is a ring. He doesnt get down on one knee though, so Darcy says no. Just kidding. She doesn’t mind. And that’s that. Let’s see how we did.

• Christmas Gala (Party)
• Christmas Tree Lighting
• Christmas Baking
• Christmas puns

Wow, only 4/20. But that’s probably because this is a sequel.

Christmas in Graceland: Home for the Holidays premiered on the Hallmark Channel on Saturday, November 23. This is a “sequel” to the Kellie Pickler Graceland movie from last year. I can understand why they didn’t ask Kellie Pickler back but they put her in a different movie so I’d call the whole thing a wash. So, this is the same setting as last year’s movie but a different universe, I think? Anyway, we’ve also got that one guy who starred opposite Melissa Joan Hart in “Drive me Crazy”. I forget though, was this a movie inspired by Britney Spears’ song of the same name or did she “write” that song for the movie? Anyway, good for him. Oh and he was also in Entourage so I guess he’s doing alright. I don’t know. I never watched that show. But here he is in a Hallmark movie. Alright, enough about Adrian. Let’s dive in.

The movie begins by showing snowy scenes in Memphis, TN. This is a city that is well known for it’s winter wonderland Christmases. Tons of snow, icy roads-you know, typical Southeast winters! Our lead, Harper, is getting picked up from the airport. Her sister and her husband have made signs and are just elated that she is here. My siblings don’t even put the car in park when they pick me up from the airport.

They head home and she regales their family with stories of her travels. She has been on the road for three years, taking any museum job she can find in Europe. Because well, it turns out, there is not much work for art history majors. I believe this to be a scathing indictment of career counselors at liberal arts universities. Let’s make all students do a cost benefit analysis before committing to a major. You want a degree in general studies? That is a very expensive way to earn $15 an hour as an executive assistant. You want to major in art history? Great! But the jobs in that field versus qualified graduates with that degree is marked. Plus, they almost always require post graduate degrees. Also, let’s talk salaries and the rate of return on that education! But not even Harper is going to learn any lessons about this in this movie so we’ve just got to move on.

Harper is partially in town to visit with her family but also is interviewing with a local museum to be their “international curator.” This means she’d be based in London. Great news for this Nomad!

At the interview, the museum..director? CEO? Someone at the museum interviews Harper. Anyway, they tell her that most of the other applicants have their doctorate and she just has a masters degree. I try not to collapse. How much could the international curator at a museum in Memphis possibly make? 40k? And they’re going to encourage a doctorate? She’s never pay off her student loans at that rate. Hallmark, could we have more movies that encourage trades and marketable college degrees? We have an entire generation of jobless liberal arts graduates. So anyway, good luck Harper!

Owen is a single dad of three kids. He lives in a gigantic house. In fact, whenever they do exterior shots in this movie, I can’t tell which one is Graceland and which one is his house. He runs a pretty tight ship at home. He has a schedule and has no time for nonsense. He is FaceTiming his business partner while trying to get the kids out the door for school. Seems inefficient. He’s scrambling because both his nanny and his back up nanny are on Christmas break. Again, seems like the time when you MOST NEED CHILDCARE.

Harper takes her nieces to the Graceland Museum. At the museum, she asks the girls to tell her the first thing they notice when they turn around. I think they say the lion statutes on the stairs. Great. Then they run into Priscilla Presley herself with a museum employee. Harper used to be a tour guide here as a teen.

Owen and his three kids show up. I think he has a meeting with that employee and had nowhere else to drop his kids. Somehow, Harper agrees to give all five kids a tour while Owen meets with this employee. She is trying to help him plan his big Christmas Eve work party. I’m not sure why this museum employee is helping Owen plan this party but I wouldn’t call her very good at it. He says he wants a classy, timeless party that encourages people to donate to his project. She’s like, how about GIGANTIC presents, nutcrackers on each table and then Santa and his reindeer off to the side? Owen’s response is “this the season.” And I think they are having two different conversations. Regardless, they both feel pleased about this.

Outside, the kids and Harper just finished their tour. Owen tells them he’s juggling the kids because his nanny is on vacation. This very helpful museum employee is like, hey, Harper is a single woman in her thirties on vacation here for the next couple weeks. How about she stay in your guest house and be your nanny instead of spending time with her own family! Harper, surprisingly does not storm off in disgust. Owen is like, yeah, this is not your job and I’ve never met you but you’re blonde so here’s my business card! Think about staying in my guest house and watching my children.

Later, back at her sister’s house, her sister tells her that her in-laws are coming a whole week early. Does she mind sleeping on the couch? I know our house looks like a castle but it’s actually only three bedrooms. Nary a bonus room or office in sight. Faced with sleeping on the couch and under the same roof as her sister’s family and in laws, Harper digs out Owen’s business card. Anything is better than sleeping on your siste’s couch, after all!

The next morning, Owen is captaining his ship once again and his children take every attempt to veer them off course. One of them can’t find her shoes! And she only has that one pair! Even though they live in a gigantic mansion. Harper shows up…late. Not a good start for your vacation job missy! Owen hands her a tablet and shows her how he has their days all scheduled. Everything is very structured so they can have a great Christmas. Instead of being relieved, she kind of pushes back. But like, how great is it that all she has to do is follow this list?

He gets the kids out the door and I don’t know what she’s supposed to do now. She snoops around and then moves her stuff into the guest house. The museum employee, Regina calls her and wants to show her what she’s thinking for the Graceland Christmas exhibit. She wants to get Harper’s insight on their plan. Then Regina asks her to just help. Harper is like yes! I’m all about doing stuff for free while I’m on vacation.

At work, Owen and his business partner are just doing so much fundraising prep and technology things. I’m not sure what they’re working on but they plan to give the technology to hospitals for free so it must be noble. Owen calls Harper “frustratingly likeable”. Her? The business partner says Owen’s wife would be proud of him. That’s nice.

When the kids get home, Harper looks at the schedule. They are supposed to get their homework done and do their chores first. They also need to organize some presents for their grandparents so they get mailed on time. Harper is like, screw all that. Let’s make a Yule log instead! Cue baking montage and more frosting painting. Harper asks the boy child about his art project. It sound SUPER COMPLICATED. What is this school thinking having these kids do a complicated craft at HOME the last week before break? What is happening in this town? He has to make an elf town out of sugar cubes? For heaven’s sake.

Owen gets home before they are finished and is a little surprised at the scene. No chores finished, no gifts made. BUT this Yule log is here if you want to eat it? If I was Owen, I would be SO FURIOUS. And he is, kind of. Like, I’m not asking you to entertain the kids. Also, if you are making a Yule log, there is arguably a lag time with the cake part bakes-so great chance to do a chore or start on a homemade gift. And then, again, the baked cake needs to cool before rolling it so, get another chore done. You can have it both ways Harper! How much more helpful would it be to have helped this worn out dad get through the hard stuff. Now, instead of the Dad getting to hang out with his kids, they have to do all their work from earlier. So glad this stranger got all that quality time with his kids though! She says her mom used to always embrace the chaos of the holidays which is total nonsense because this is a recipe to basically just waste your entire holiday season. He is like, yeah my wife was like that too. And then this single woman who has spent the last three years in Europe, accountable to no one, tries to tell him to lighten up with the kids. Oy. I guess we should all be lucky she’s doing this for free?

Back in her room, she agrees to help out at her nieces’ school the next day. We witness a sketch montage to Elvis Christmas music. I try not to fall asleep.

The next day, it’s…wreath making at the kids’ school? What is this for again? Or just for fun. The sisters deconstruct the night before. Harper is like, the kids just want to hang with their dad. Well, that’s true.

Harper is meeting with Regina again. Harper’s got a whole pitch for the museum. I honestly don’t care about this. It sounds boring. Regina seems to be doing zero work for someone who’s actually getting paid to do this.

Back at home, Owen and the kids are trying to get out the door to get a tree. They have EXACTLY ONE HOUR to get the tree. Harper gets roped in to going because she needs one for her room too. The kids are too old to be fighting about who picks the tree. Harper makes a joke about liking gingerbread cookies but not Yule logs….Harper, that is too soon. Harper gives more parenting advice. He’s like, this is how I’ve figured out how to manage after three years of doing this alone so you can just chill.

Back at home, Owen did not budget any time to help decorate the tree apparently. He’s like, okay I got the tree in the stand! Have fun decorating with the babysitter. I’ve got to do some emails. Harper is like, do you have any more ornaments? No, just the one box. But it’s Balsam Hill so what more do you need? KBYE! Then Harper rustles up some craft items and we’ve got ourselves a Christmas ornament making montage! Oh the fun these guys are having. Then they decide to sing around the piano. I feel a little uncomfortable. Owen creeps on them from an interior window in their house and then goes back to work. The kids all pass out on the couch with Harper so she’s trapped under a pile of sleeping kids until Owen rescues her. He invites her to go Christmas shopping with them and back to Graceland.

The next day, Harper shows up at her sister’s with an absurd amount of wrapped gifts. She allegedly purchased all of these in Europe and brought them all back. It would have filled like two checked bags. What a sister she is.

Back at Graceland, Harper gives all the kids another tour. Owen has agree to loosen his schedule a little to allow his kids to go again. Back at the house, they are having a Christmas present wrapping party. Wait, I thought parents put all the gifts into nondescript department store garment boxes so you could wrap your own presents on Christmas Eve afternoon? Was that just my parents? Well they are having a grand old time. And then Harper gives them a fancy advent calendar; the significance of which I must have missed. The kids sing “Up on the ROOFTOP”. Why is Hallmark doing this? It’s HOUSETOP. Do they not own the rights? What is happening. This is the second movie where they’ve sung it this way. Harper gets a call from the museum. They want her for a second interview!

The next day, Harper asks if she can take the kids sledding with her nieces instead of ice skating. You know-those famous sledding hills in Memphis? Just the best snow around. So, they get to the sledding hill and well, no one is dressed appropriately for sledding, including the adults. But it’s August in Memphis so I am going to try to be understanding. If they were really sledding they would obviously need some warm, water resistant clothing and footwear. The moms sit at some cocktail tables? What? Is this like a designated sledding hill with a snack shack or something? Great job, Memphis.

At work, Owen is just hustling away, trying to get donations for his big technology thing. He also has a work dinner tonight where he plans to hustle even harder. But then, he decides to take Harper’s words to heart and reschedules a meeting to meet the gang at the sledding hill. Again, he is not participating in the sledding, but the kids are excited to see him nonetheless. Harper’s sister invites them all over for cookie making and Christmas movies. Oh but Owen has to go to this work dinner so they’ll all need to stay home. Wait, no. The sister offers to take in the kids and then offers Harper up as a sacrifice. Harper is like, no I can’t go to the work dinner. Owen is like, no you should come. Harper is like, no I would literally rather die than go to someone else’s work dinner where I know absolutely zero people and thus would end up standing awkwardly alone stuffing my face with shrimp while my date works the room. Oh, is that just me? But then she’s like, oh wait no I love shrimp so yes I’ll go.

At some point, Harper has her second interview. Only, this time she’s not sure if she wants a job with so much travel!

They go to the party and they have one of those scenes where he is just blown away by how nice she looks in her fancy outfit. Like, hello, she looks nice in her regular clothes. Why are you so surprised? Isn’t there a moment like that in Drive Me Crazy too? I don’t know. I can’t remember the premise of that one.

So they go to the party. Owen is chatting with people about investing in this project. One guy makes a joke like-you really think I’d just give my money away for free? Hahaha silly plebeian. Actually I was just joking about THAT. I WILL give my money away! And I’m so happy to do it. Harper shows up and instead of being charming and helpful to Owen, she is an awkward oversharer and the guy politely leaves. They go to sit down and Owen has a small panick attack. The theme of this party is the EXACT SAME AS HIS PARTY on Christmas Eve! What is he going to do. Harper is way too chill about this. Also, what are the odds the decorations would be the exact same? So weird.

When they get back to Owen’s, Harper’s sister says the kids left them something. Oh it’s unfrosted cookies and frosting and sprinkles. Just what I want to do at 11 pm! Frost cookies. For some reason, they decide to like full on frost the cookies with piping bags and everything. They chat about the party and they decide to combine her museum show with Owen’s party. Why not? Elvis loved charity I guess.

The next day is one big Christmas montage. They are planning both parties, they are decorating, they are working, they are making school art projects. We are covering it all and we’re doing it wordlessly to Christmas movie. We have to cover some ground and we only have 30 minutes left y’all!

That night, Harper has a surprise for them. They are pretending to be cold as they walk to Graceland. Inside, they are met by Priscilla Presley! Since Owen was working instead of decorating their tree at home, maybe he’d like to help Priscilla with hers. Does she live there? Priscilla shares about decorating the tree with Elvis and it is kind of sweet. But didn’t they have kind of a rough time? I don’t know. Anyway, Owen freaks out about this opportunity.

After they are done decorating, they decide to go to their party together.

The next day, while getting ready for the party, Harper freaks out about what their relationship is. How can it be anything if she is going to leave as part of her job?

He picks her up and they head to the party. Everything looks great but Harper is stressed. Oh no! Those darn icy roads coming in to Memphis have delayed their musical guest. Can Owen give his presentation instead?

Owen leaves and the museum curator approaches Harper. The job is hers if she wants it. She just has to leave Memphis by the 28th because they want someone fully settled by the new year. Well, lady, you should have started your search sooner. No one can start a job that fast except well, someone like Harper who seemingly does not have a permanent address. But lol to being fully settled after living somewhere for four days. The museum person tells her to think about it for day (Christmas Day). FUN!

Owen stumbles through his presentation because he decides he’s just got to speak from the heart. I still don’t know what his technology does but it sounds like it will help people.

So, the musician is still not there. The kids want to sing with Harper. Okay, twist my arm she says. I panic for them. She settles on one of the worst Christmas songs in existence and I fast forward this part. Oh and then the musician shows up so they only needed to stall for five more minutes? Okay.

Owen pulls Harper aside and shares his feelings. She blurts out that she got the job and doesnt know how she can turn it down. He’s like, oh sorry for saying all that then. They shake hands and agree their week together has been pleasant and professional.

And now Chase Bryant sings an entire song. Boy they were really hurting to fill that two hour time slot. Harper makes a phone call.

Owen and his partner debrief. They are so jazzed about the success of the night. A guy comes up and tells them he’ll double the amount invested so far. They’re so excited but then they start talking about Harper. The business partner gives Owen some good advice. I didn’t write that down. But it was relevant and helpful. Trust me.

Harper is walking home in the hot August night. Snow covers the ground. Owen is waiting for her like a real creep. He tries again to share his feelings. She says she’s going to stay in Memphis. She pitched being based locally to the museum and they are going to pray about it. Owen is like, we’ll figure it out no matter what! And well, this seems pretty unresolved. I kind of figured she’d just work at Graceland instead. But okay. I guess we’ll see if the museum lets her be based there? They kiss and then the kids come out from their hiding place and hug them. To the kids, Owen is like, did the timer you set run out already? So he made them hide for a certain number of minutes so he could talk to Harper. That’s great. Okay, let’s tall this bad boy up.

• Workaholic
• Single parent
• Christmas Gala
• Christmas Baking
• Winter Athletics
• Christmas puns
• Sassy and wise sister
• Christmas montages all over the place!

Total score: 8/20

Holiday Hearts premiered on Saturday, November 23 on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries. I’ve been looking forward to this one because it is a little bit different than all the typical plot lines and Victoria from How I Met Your Mother is in it! Spoiler Alert: This is now my favorite movie of the season. I really liked it. Okay, let’s dive in.

The movie begins with Peyton hustling and bustling at her family’s Inn. She is in charge of planning the BIG 25th Anniversary Christmas Eve Party. It is a BFD and they’re letting her plan it with no experience whatsoever. That’s the family Inn business though. Real hard to break in. Just rife with nepotism. The delivery guy stops by and asks her about the theme. Not today good sir! The theme is the most secret part of the whole party!

She goes to chat with her parents, the Inn owners. They are regretting letting her plan the party. They worry she has too much to do. But good news! She can do the accounting in her sleep! So, just the most important part of Inn keeping. No problem. She sees a stack of Christmas cards and has a great idea. She wants to hang them across the fireplace mantle. Her parents are like, another project Peyton? This is just too much. You better get your sister to help. Look, am I capable of hanging a simple ribbon across a fire place mantle to hang holiday cards? Absolutely not. But this movie isn’t about me. This seems like a pretty simple task. Spoiler alert, it takes them about five minutes.

She goes to fetch her sister to help in this complex craft project and she sees her saying goodbye to her husband. He’s a pilot so he got called in to fly more planes for Christmas. He hopes to make it home in time!

Like I said, they make short work of this holiday card business. But there is one notable card in the mix-a Christmas card from Dr. Ben. Peyton has a pretty snippy reaction to his card. Apparently she said she had feelings for him ten years ago and he went off to California the next day without another word.

Ben is at the hospital. He is seemingly headed out on a tropical vacation for Christmas. He stops in to his dad’s office and they talk about his plans. He wants everyone to think he’s going on vacation but he is actually interviewing for something similar to “Doctors Without Borders” in Honduras. I can’t remember the actual name. His dad is like, have fun bro! I’m going to Vermont to go skiing by myself. Then they both agree about how great it is to get to the airport early. I remember one time, my dad got us to the airport so early, they wouldn’t let us check in to our flight. So we had to wait in the check in area for an hour before we waited by our gate for five more hours. Dads LOVE airports. #MEMORIES. So Ben decides to high tail it to the airport.

Peyton is headed to the Party Supply store. She calls ahead to make sure they’ll still be open. Or so that we, the audience, know why she’s out on the highway in the middle of the day. Ben is on the same road at the same time to go to the airport. They both see a reindeer on the side of the road. They are both SO AMAZED at this reindeer that they cannot look away. Again, reminds of me of my dad when he drives. Look at that thing! He says as he veers the entire car in the direction he’s looking. So, they both drive their cars into their respective ditches. It is a little awkward since they haven’t seen each other in ten years. They get back in their cars and wouldn’t you know it, the Jeep won’t start. Subaru is fine though! She offers him a ride. He says he is going to the airport but he’s going to call the repair shop to pick up his car. Whew. I was worried they were going to leave it in that ditch and not explain it. So he’s about to make the call but his phone rings. Oh no! Their mutual friend Ford is in the hospital. He hurt his knee putting up Christmas lights. They decide to go to the hospital instead.

At the hospital, the nurse tells them that Ford’s daughter Lily is in the lobby, unsupervised. Ben goes back to see Ford and Peyton goes to find Lily. How did they get into this circumstance? Did an ambulance come get Ford? Did he drive himself in? Since it was not a real emergency, wouldn’t it have been more appropriate for Ford to call a caretaker before leaving for the hospital? But no, the best solution was to leave his daughter alone in a hospital waiting room. She’s fine. She’s coloring. There are apparently tons of coloring supplies in this waiting room.

In the hospital room, they tell Ford he tore his ACL and it’s pretty bad. He could lose the use of his knee if he doesnt take care of it. Also, he is covered with a lovely little Christmas blanket. The doctor says they are going to wait for the swelling to go down before he has surgery. Ford starts to get up to go home. Ben is like, what are you doing? Ford is like, well I can wait out the swelling at home. Ben slaps him across the face. How dare you even think of that, Ford? No you have to stay here. ACL surgery is definitely not an outpatient surgery. It’s a 3-4 day hospital stay for a healthy guy like Ford. Ben is like, I’ll do anything you need. I’ll run your hardware store, I’ll do paperwork, I’ll re roof your house! Ford is like, actually I just need you to watch my daughter. Ben is like, well actually I’m leaving for Honduras in like 20 minutes. So in the words of the poet, Meatloaf “I will do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” He sings the rest of the song. Ford is like, yeah dude but I have no one else. You really think I would have a single dude in his late thirties watching my kid if I had a better option? So they all reluctantly agree to this situation. Oh by the way, we have A BUNCH of special Christmas traditions my dead wife created and you have to do all of them with Lily while I’m on my hospital vacation. KTHANKSLOVEYOUSOMUCHBYEEEEE.

Peyton drives them back to Lily’s house and then she’s like, k bye! And almost peels out. Ben tries not to have a full on panic attack. Lily saves the day by asking whether she is going to come in? How can you say no to that? Inside, Peyton sees a picture of Lily’s mom, Patsy and has a sad moment. Lily shows them pictures she’s drawn of all their Christmas traditions. The most urgent one is to put up the snowflake lights on the front porch. That HAS to be done before they decorate the BIG tree. There’s also making cookies for all her teachers and making HOMEMADE presents (can you HOMEMAKE a PELOTON, LILY?). Ben is actively trying not to pee his pants in fear. Peyton’s like, okay well I guess I’ll get out of your hair! And I think Ben starts to cry. Anyway, he begs her to stay and is like, do you really think I’m capable of all of this? So she agrees to stay.

That night, Ben calls the Doctors Without Borders people and asks to postpone the interview. It looks like their office is outdoors. REMEMBER IT’S IN HONDURAS.

They hang up the snowflake lights. Ben is slinging puns right and left and Peyton is catching them. Lily asks if they like each other. And they say no, they’ve just been friends since grade school. At no point do either of them run to their homes to get a change of clothes. So Peyton helps with the lights and sleeps in her fancy work dress and nylons. This is unconscionable. Their houses can’t be that far away.

They both sit on the couch. They are wiped out. That reminds me of the time my sister hung out with my kids and I one morning and by the boys’ nap time, she needed one too. Oh wow, they apparently also found time to make paper snowflakes. Ben proposes that Peyton does all the Christmas stuff and he does the cooking and cleaning. He does not know how to do Christmas. Peyton says no, he has to do the Christmas things too. Maybe this way, he will find his Christmas spirit.

In the morning she has time to sit on the porch with a leisurely cup of coffee. She finally says, yeah I need to stop by my house and change my clothes and then get more clothes. But Ben is like, no we all have to feed this horse because apparently there is a stable behind this house right in town. The neighbors must be SO THRILLED. Ben tries to get Peyton to stay by pretending the horse is begging her. This time she’s like haha BYEEEEE.

And THEN at the Inn, she has the audacity to say she was late because she had to run home and change her clothes. Um, no that is not acceptable. Remember, this was ALL COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. Could have taken care of it the night before. Could have skipped that leisurely porch coffee. But no, she made her choices and the Inn suffers. Meanwhile, her sister is stress cooking. She misses her husband so she looked up 200 million bacon recipes and is just working her way through the list. I die over Peyton’s sweater.

Ben and Lily stop by the hospital. Ford isn’t having surgery until TOMORROW. Ford is just loving life. Sleeping, watching whatever shows he wants and having his food delivered to his room. He and Ben have some pretty great banter.

A reporter stops by and wants to do a big story about the Inn. She’s an accountant but she’s planning this one event. Do you want to see the ballroom? Her dad asks. NO DAD. She says the theme is still a BIG SURPRISE so don’t ask. But it’s really exciting. Everyone will love it. She opens the ballroom door to reveal..it’s undecorated. She doesn’t have any idea what the theme will be!

Back at the Sherwood’s, Lily is bossing Ben around about how to make a snowman. This one is upside down doing a handstand. Peyton shows up and says she remembers making them that way with Patsy as a kid. HOW DID THEY LIFT THE BIG BASE THOUGH?

They decide to go inside to decorate the BIG TREE. Casual Balsam Hill bag. The Sherwoods usually decorate the tree by their barn, then the one on the porch, and then the BIG TREE. Does anyone think the Sherwoods are doing too much?

Did you know that you can change from clear to multi colored lights on a Balsam Hill tree? And that you can use a clicker? Oh dang, you can have BOTH. Wow. Then Ben asks Lily to turn on some music. Lily and Peyton start dancing. And then Lily gets Ben and Peyton to dance. They have a moment. They feel awkward.

Then they start talking about the party. She admits that she doesn’t have any ideas for the theme. And its in FIVE DAYS. This is her chance to prove she’s more than just an accountant. She wants to be more than that! An event planner! Wait, what? Or does she want to do event planning and accounting? That would make sense. Girl, don’t quit your day job. Event planning in your small town as a full time job? No I don’t think so. Anyway, she has a lot to prove apparently. He tells her just to chill and the idea will come to her.

They put Lily to bed. Lily misses her dad. Ben tells her that when he was a kid, his aunt put this little tree in his bedroom and told him that all the lights on the tree represent someone that loves her. Peyton goes downstairs and finds an unopened box and inside is a small tree. They put it next to Lily’s bed and she touches two lights and says “Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy” and they thought they were going to get me but I don’t cry. Back downstairs, Ben and Peyton put together a doll house for Lily. I don’t think they’re doing it right though because there’s no crying or cursing or storming out of the room. Peyton is “helping” by making Christmas decorations for the dollhouse. And still there is no yelling or crying.

She starts talking about his vacation to Honduras. He starts to tell her about it but then Lily asks for water. Classic bedtime stall gimmick but Ben is a rookie so he falls for it. Peyton put one of those cute little trees in Ben’s room too.

In the morning, bless Ben’s heart-he tries to make stethoscope pancakes. They…do not look like stethoscopes. Ben tells Peyton they should try and keep Lily occupied until they hear whether her dad’s surgery goes well. Peyton has to do some work but plans to meet up with them around 1.

Peyton’s sister is on the phone with her husband. Sounds like he is going to be gone even longer!! Peyton wearing ANOTHER GREAT SWEATER. And her sister is just crushing a great Christmas broach. Peyton spills the beans about her lack of theme to her sister. She admonishes her. Everyone says they believe in her but no one offers to help. She lays on hardwood floor all morning and comes up with nothing. And then it’s time to meet the gang downtown. They stroll down a lovely Main Street. Peyton asks Lily how she would decorate a window display and she describes a cute snow globe. The hospital calls. The surgery went well! They stop at a craft store where Lily and her family usually make their homemade presents. It’s like a fire and ice ceramic type store. Ben is trying to paint a reindeer mug. Peyton notices Lily’s snowflake bracelet. Lily says her mom gave it to her. She says, “Snowflakes are like kisses from heaven”. And well, I AM TOTALLY FINE.

At the next store, they see a dress in the window. Peyton says she should get it for the party. And then she describes the first Inn party to Lily. Finally, Ben shares about his job interview with Doctors Care International. It would be for three years. This is the type of work his dad did too and he feels like he should do the same. She is a little bummed.

Back at the Inn, Peyton and her sister are chatting about Ben and this job. Peyton says she doesnt want a boyfriend. Peyton gets weird with a piece of pie. Her sister is secretly helping her do stuff for the party. When the sister asks if she needs anything else, Peyton says she needs tons of cookie supplies to help Lily make cookies for her teacher. If this is a tradition, shouldn’t they have everything? Unless she means ingredients. The reporter stops her on her way out and asks to interview her. She is TOO BUSY with TOO MANY lists so she declines.

Ben is shopping again with Lily. Lily is looking for socks for her dad. She gets him a pair every year. She picks some hilarious socks for him. Ben glances at the dress in the window. OOOOH that is a risky game Ben-buying a dress for a woman and guessing her size.

Back at the Sherwoods, the three of them have a lovely time making Christmas cookies. Poor Ben hasn’t ever made Christmas cookies. Sadly, when they go door to door delivering them to the teachers, I realize they are only putting like 3 or 4 on each plate. That is a huge bummer for everyone. On the way to Mrs. Conway’s house, Ben throws a snowball at Peyton. Peyton throws one back. We are all having a great time. Mrs. Conway guesses who decorated each cookie. I would blame children on all of my decorated cookies if I were in this movie.

They take a hot chocolate break. Ben realizes he can go to the party. As Peyton starts to describe the first party to Lily, she comes up with her theme idea. She runs to the Inn and starts writing in her planner. Or maybe drawing. I don’t know for sure but she lays on the ground again. Oh, yes, she is drawing.

More inspo pictures go up on the wall in the ballroom and a few Christmas trees are getting put up. Ben calls Peyton while they are wrapping presents. She says she is going to work late so she can’t come over that night. When she hang up she says, I love you! And Lily politely says, we love you too. I LITERALLY ACTUALLY DIE of embarrassment for Peyton because accidentally saying I Love You on the phone is one of my worst fears. I know it’s supposed to be sort of significant here, like she loves them and loves their little pretend family but OMG how EMBARRASSING.

The next morning, Miranda, the horse, convinces Ben and Lily to go see Peyton. They come by with donuts I think. And then we have a great montage of them helping decorate. And Peyton is wearing ANOTHER GREAT SWEATER. Lily asks if there will be presents under the trees. There should be presents?!!! And then Peyton has another great idea. They will use the party to collect toys for the toy drive. And then Ben and Peyton both want to go get a present for Lily. Peyton’s mom offers to have a tea party with her.

Downtown, Ben asks if Lily would like a neck tie. Peyton says they have to split up and each find something separate for Lily. This is unfair. Ben clearly needs help. They have a nice regroup over hot chocolate again.

Back at the house, Ben and Lily have a surprise for Peyton. They give her the DRESS! Yay! It is a great dress. I sure hope it’s the right size!! Ooof. What if he guessed too big? What if it’s too small? So RISKY Ben. Then Ford calls and says he’s coming home tomorrow morning! But shouldn’t someone pick him up?

After they put Lily to bed, they start looking at Ford and Patsy’s wedding album. There are ALOT of just Peyton and Ben. Ben mentions that he’s thought a lot about the night Peyton said she had feelings for him. She’s like, what’s up man? You never talked to me again. Ben was like well I had med school and stuff! But he apologizes. And they agree to stay in touch. Hello, what about social media?

In the morning, Ben talks to Miranda the horse about his feelings. Ford comes home and Ben and Peyton are like KBYEEEE! Good luck with all those stairs in your house on those crutches! Lily gives Peyton a drawing and gives Ben the book he read to her every night. Again, I am JUST FINE.

Peyton drops Ben off in the middle of town? Or the car repair shop? His house? I’m not sure. Back at the Inn, it’s almost time for the party! Toys are getting dropped off right and left! Ugh. Peyton is in ANOTHER GREAT SWEATER. 10/10 Peyton. Her sister is still panicking about her husband getting home in time for Christmas. They talk more about Ben.

Ben and his dad met for coffee. His dad is like, why didn’t we meet in the hospital cafeteria? Oh and they’re both flying out at the same time on Christmas Day. They should carpool and get there early! Ben asks his dad about his life traveling all over the place as a doctor. His dad said it was really rewarding work. Ben is contemplative.

Peyton’s sister stops by her house with a butt load of food. She’s stress cooking because Jake, her husband officially won’t be home for Christmas. Peyton promises to come over on Christmas morning and make snow angels with her.

Ben is in his surprisingly decorated apartment/house and puts the children’s book on the mantle.

It’s the night of the big party! Ford is on crutches that are now decorated like candy canes. This year’s toy drive is the most successful ever! Everyone looks so great in their Christmas dressses. These two girls play great sisters together. When Lily arrives, Peyton calls her over and she gives a speech. Then she opens the ball room doors to reveal like 1,000 Christmas trees. I bet half the space is covered in trees.

Everyone is having a great time. And what? Jake the pilot made it home! She hugs him like he came back from war. I think he’s been gone 3-4 days.

She sees Ben. They talk about him going to Honduras. He asks her to come with him. Peyton is like, but my accounting! And my Event planning business! Look, this is a fair point. She has a life that’s very important to her. But he is like, helping under served medical populations? I don’t know. I’m torn about which one should make the sacrifice. Sure, there are underserved populations in the US he could work with. But the message here is like, yeah but he’s not living HIS life. So that doesn’t seem like a super great takeaway? So anyway they are at an impasse.

Then Mrs. Conway asks her to plan her Silver anniversary in June. Oh, it’s all happening for Peyton. Yes, this is the path we are supposed to be rooting for? Why did it have to be Doctors Without Borders or Event Planning? Doesn’t that seem like such a silly choice?

The next day, the Caradays are celebrating Christmas Day. Her parents say they’ve already ordered business cards that list her as an event planner too. They show her the front page story about the party. It’s a big hit. She decides to bring the present she made over to Lily’s.

Ben and his dad are headed to the airport. Ben’s dad is like, look, that was my life. I love you even if you don’t decide to help underserved populations in developing countries. Then Ben sees the reindeer again and feels that is a sign that he shouldn’t help the impoverished nation of Honduras.

Peyton makes herself at home during Lily and her dad’s special Christmas time. Lily opens the gift Peyton made. It is the snow globe Lily described while they were shopping. Wow. Peyton is too artistic to be an accountant! She SHOULD be doing event planning for a quarter of her current salary. As she walks out of the Sherwood’s house, Ben pulls up. He decided to live HIS life. And he wants to be with Peyton. They say some nice stuff but can we just put a pin in Honduras and maybe not shelve it completely? Because it just doesn’t seem fair that the winner in this movie is event planning in a small town. Okay, I’m releasing it. Let’s see how this movie stacks up.

• 2nd generation workaholic too busy for Christmas
• Lead is stranded in the small town thanks to his buddy
• Single parent
• Is that guy secretly Santa? (Guys, that reindeer, right?)
• Christmas Party
• Christmas Baking
• Snowball fight
• Christmas puns
• Someone not chasing their dream
• Christmas montage

Total score: 10/20 This may be a record!

BONUS POST, authored by my sister.

So this movie is a Netflix original. I hope to do a few more of these throughout the season. It’s Christmas and tis the season of giving, and I’m obviously going to watch these anyway because doy. Here we go.

We are taken to Norwich, England on December 18, 1334. Festive lutes and merriment abound. Two young men clad head-to-toe armor and chain mail wander out of the castle jovially discussing the weather. They’ve agreed that the “good, soft wind” is “puh-fect for the ride”. Clearly these young men are the Most Eligible Holiday Bachelors in Norwich (or they would be if this was a Hallmark movie), because the fair maidens in the courtyard are just flat-out SMITTEN as they watch the young men ride off.

As they ride away, I become fairly certain this is the Game of Thrones set. And I’m not mad about it. Jon Snow, u up?

Now we’ve traveled through time and space to Bracebridge, Ohio on December 18, 2019. Gabriella Montez is at East High practicing for math team. Oh wait, wrong movie. Vanessa Hudgens has come full circle and is now a science teacher. She’s perplexed why her straight-A student Paige failed her midterm. Poor Paige just got dumped and she is ALL OF US at 14. Too soon, Netflix. Ms. Vanessa Hudgens basically tells this 14yo girl that love is for suckers and its all just fantasy and she should focus on her GPA. Oh her name is Ms. Winters.  Brooke. Brooke Winters.

Back “deep in the woods of Norwich”, it appears our young knight has stumbled upon a weird old hag hiding in the woods. She asks if he will help a woman as beautious as herself and when he agrees, she completely changes her demeanor and seems to know everything about him. Including that fact that his younger brother is to be knighted on Christmas day. She says because of his kindness, the quest he has searched long and hard for begins now. She tells him he will travel to distant lands and see metal dragons and magic boxes that make you merry and he’s like.. ok, crazy. Let’s get you to a doctor. ASAP. She says he has until midnight on Christmas Eve to complete the quest or he will never become a true knight. She disappears. He yells “old crone?” and he disappears. I laugh for 10 minutes about “old crone”. He then finds himself at a present-day Christmas Castle Village. He is… SO confused. He sees the old crone dressed as Mrs. Klaus from across the field. By the way, if you watch this movie with subtitles, that is literally her character’s name-Old Crone.

Brooke brought her niece, Claire, to the Christmas Castle. They leave Mrs. Klaus’s bakeshop and get in line to see Santa. I’m disappointed with Claire’s choice of treat. Meanwhile poor little knight gets accosted by some pre-teens for a selfie. He is overwhelmed. Oh no, Brooke sees her ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend. Claire asks for a real puppy and a new boyfriend for her aunt Brooke for Christmas. Mrs. Klaus is the old crone and makes a comment about how anything is possible.

Our knight rushes up behind Mrs. Klaus and grabs her while yelling “Crone”. I’m dead at this name for her. But alas, she has morphed into a regular old lady getting called a crone.

In the hustle and bustle of the village, Brooke runs right into the knight and spills hot chocolate all over him. They have a moment. He is not mad about the hot chocolate. Who would be? I would drink it right off my chain mail.

As Brooke is driving home, snow is falling quite heavily. How is she supposed to see?! Our sweet, naïve knight is just standing in the middle of the road because he doesn’t know any better. She drives straight into him. Good thing he has his armor on. He pops right up. Officer Stevens arrives to take Sir Cole to the hospital. He gets an MRI and they send him on his way. At this point we learn this is in fact a horror movie. Brooke offers to take this seemingly deranged young man home to stay in her guest house. Look, it would take a MUCH better looking delusional man for me to risk getting murdered in my own guest house. Sir Cole is like classic early 00s teen heartthrob. He has an unwashed, uncombed, uncut mop of dirty blonde hair on top of his head. Collectively, what were we all thinking?

The police officer is like… um, no. She insists. The cop is like, okay I’ll get to work on the paperwork about your murder.

Sir Cole is fascinated by the radio and I have to believe this car ride is what would happen if you let your 5year old ride in the passenger seat. Back home, Brooke gives Sir Cole some of her ex-boyfriend’s clothes and lets him take a shower. Apparently there is no modesty in the 14^th century because he comes out in just a towel and Brooke is.. intrigued. Then he tries to cook a skunk over an open fire in her yard. They go to a diner and after demanding the wench bring them more coffee, he attempts to defend Brooke’s honor when her ex-boyfriend shows up yet again. She assures him that it is unnecessary.. and illegal for him to draw his sword in her defense at this time.

Back at the guest house, Sir Cole is all of us when it comes to Alexa and Netflix. Netflix shamelessly plugs Holiday in the Wild. Brooke calls Sir Cole a binge-watcher and he says if that means captivated by the picture box, then yes. SAME, Sir Cole. SAME. He invites her to binge-watch together and the next minute is the most relatable minute of TV- she says she has too many errands and the next thing we see is them asleep on the couch, the glow of the screen lighting up their faces.

In the morning, they bond over missing their parents. He says they can drop the formalities and he can call her Cole. He insults her Christmas tree and requests they find a real tree. He’s rambling on and on about his past and she apparently is all-in believing he has time-traveled from the 14^th century. Should she get an MRI too?

He calls her ex-boyfriend a “boiled-brain-codpiece” and I’m putting that one in my back pocket for a rainy day. I pity the next person to insult me.

He asks to borrow her car and admits he doesn’t know where he is going. But he says he can tame any steed so she tosses him the keys without a second thought. I’ve scheduled that MRI for her.

He drives worse than anyone has ever driven a car, parks on the sidewalk and walks to the Christmas village. He grabs Mrs. Klaus again and Santa tells him to stop calling his wife an old crone. Again, I’m dead.

The next day Claire asks if girls can be knights. Brooke says yes, Cole says no. Brooke says girls can be whatever they want to be. Yas Queen. Preach. Except, only British men can be knights. So Claire’s out on both counts.

Brooke and Cole have a sweet moment decorating the tree. We’ve all fallen in love with Cole at this point, but I might still suggest a quick haircut. Also, I have yet to see where they’ve purchased a toothbrush for the old boy and I know he didn’t bring one with him. But he does have a nice personality. He’s even teaching a GIRL to duel like a knight. #equality

The next scene includes peppermint bark and some holistic medical advice from a 14^th century knight and I think those speak for themselves.

December 23. Brooke’s sweater is on point. Cole’s looks one size too small. They are grocery shopping for the Christmas Feast that Brooke always helps organize. Cole attempts to purchase 8 large canisters of hot chocolate. Cole refuses to purchase Walmart dinner rolls after sampling them and decided he will bake bread for the Christmas feast. Cole, there’s NO TIME.

Meanwhile, Claire and her bff decide to go play outside in a blizzard. They want to practice sword fighting. I don’t know the friend’s name so I’ll call her friend Aria.

Cole and Brooke are baking bread together. Cole hides a bean in one of the loaves. Whoever finds it gets to make a Christmas wish. He insults her kneading abilities and then they have a Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore Ghost moment. A phone call abruptly ends their moment and we find out Claire is MISSING!

Cole is on the scent and we learn he is an excellent tracker. Claire and Aria appear to have gone to the lake. They rescue Lily/Aria and we see that Claire is standing on the frozen lake afraid to move. Cole coaches her to pretend to be snail and belly-crawl toward the shore. He safely gets her off the lake and they all return home safely! Talk about knight in shining armor.

Cole and Officer Stevens have a nice moment. Cole says their duties are the similar- to protect and serve. Brooke congratulates him on finishing his quest. Cole says that was literally nothing and not even close to his quest. Uh oh, they are about to kiss and I cannot handle it. Dang, interrupted by Claire’s dad.

Back at the Christmas village looking for the crone and trying to find clues for the quest. Cole continues to love hot chocolate more than life itself. A thief steals an old lady’s purse and Cole chases him down. He threatens to both hang him and cut off his hands. The women agree to allow the kid to keep his hands. He has officially been scared straight.

Another parallel to police work is made by Officer Stevens. Then he makes a joke about a Cole needing to pass a psych exam first, which is rude to say the least. A plague upon thee, Officer Stevens!

Brooke tells a weary Cole that she believes in him and he says those words wrapped his heart in a warm blanket. And honestly, where is Brooke getting her sweaters because I feel like those could LITERALLY wrap my heart up in a warm blanket.

December 24. Cole and Brooke are baking more bread. Brooke’s sister brings Cole a decanter of hot chocolate. They begin discussing their family friend who has fallen on hard times and Cole wonders if this gentleman of pure heart is his quest.

They are getting ready for the Christmas Feast. Cole is speechless when he sees Brooke. And to be honest, so am I. Very classy. Brooke offers to fix his tie, but then admits she has no idea what she’s doing. They forego the tie and she gives him an orange and a half-penny- the gifts he used to get from his parents on Christmas. He is touched. Ugh they almost kiss again but are interrupted by a text.

For those keeping track, the aforementioned medieval medicine appears to have worked wonders. Do not try this at home.

During the feast, they take the family friend and his kids to a back room. Santa and the Mrs Klaus are there with gifts for all 4 children. The father is also presented with a envelope of cash. It’s really very touching. Brooke thinks his quest has got to be finished now but he insists he has one last duty to fulfill. He changes back into his armor and chain mail for kids to take photos with him.

Brooke’s sister sees Brooke cleaning up after the Christmas feast and says sorry I can’t help, my kid is asleep and both of us need to take her home. Bye Felicia.

Brooke and Cole are left. Cole asks Brooke about the tradition of mistletoe. She doesn’t get it at first. Then she comes to her senses and they kiss. FINALLY. Oh and the old crone is just creeping around in the background. Cole’s necklace is glowing so he thinks he needs to go back to the Christmas village to make it back to his home. Obviously that is the one thing that time travel depends on.

He has to make it back for his brother’s knighting ceremony. Brooke says’ obviously you have to go- it’s the knights code. She’s an expert now.

Blue magic dust surrounds Cole and he’s gone. Brooke walks home crying. She runs into Paige. Her little ex-boyfriend wants her back and Paige said ‘no way bro. I got goalz, no time for fairy tales.’ Brooke says wait, actually true love does exist. Paige is like, you are obviously going through something so, have a merry Christmas and then she literally sprints away.

At home, Brooke finds the magic bean and wishes that Cole was still there. She finds a little handmade ornament on the tree from Sir Cole. I thought that maybe Claire made it when she was 3, but it’s a nice gesture.

Back in the 14^th century, Sir Cole reappears and his horse greets him. What a trusty steed. He greets his brother and they celebrate his true knighthood. Huzzah! He admits he found love and is a fool to have left. His brother encourages him to go find his love. I don’t think he understands they will never see each other again. Cole doesn’t fill him in and he leaves.

December 25.

Present day-Claire gets an actual puppy for Christmas. Her parents seem legitimately confused as to where it came from. She’s like, Christmas magic brought him!! But, is Christmas magic going to clean up after him?!! Brooke is fully dressed for Christmas morning despite everyone else being in jams.

Norwich- Cole finds the old crone in the woods again. She emerges from behind a tree after an impassioned speech about love being the only virtue. He begs to be returned to his truest love. She does a weird cackle and turns him into blue dust. I’m honestly not sure if she is evil or good.

At the Christmas castle, we learn that Claire named the dog Knight. They talk about how much they all miss Cole. And then.. WHAT! Cole shows up! With his horse! She was his quest all along! They kiss and stare into each others’ eyes way too long. She asks what he will do here and he thinks either a police officer or bakery owner. What about the horse? Seems like an oversight on his part. They literally ride off into the sunset together.

Bonus- watch the credits for the suggestion of maybe a part 2?

Let’s see how this stacks up.

• Lead is definitely stranded in a different town.
• Is that old crone Santa?
• Clumsy meet-cute
• Christmas Festival (That Santa’s village situation)
• Christmas Baking
• Christmas puns
• A sassy and wise best friend

Total Score: 7/20

A Godwink Christmas: Meant for Love premiered on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries on November 17. And I will be honest, Hallmark is really jamming me. I really liked the Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday schedule. Two on Saturday and Two on Sunday really does not work for me. This is partially because I refuse to watch these live. THERE ARE TOO MANY COMMERCIALS. I can fast forward a full four minutes during the breaks.

Anyway, this is the second in the “Godwink Christmas” series starring Kathie Lee Gifford. I grew up in Christian culture and have never in my life heard this phrase-until Kathie Lee Gifford started this movie series. A “Godwink” is when something is such a coincidence that just can’t really be a coincidence. I remember watching last year’s but I can’t remember if that one was based on a true story. This year’s movie is based on a true story, but I don’t know whether the real life version occurred during the Christmas season. Knowing that it is a true story, I have some concerns right out of the gate. However, I will have to temper my incredulity of the plot because I guess that is the whole point. It is an unbelievable yet true story. So, the main characters’ families are Italian and Lebanese. This generation in both families literally immigrated from Italy, making Alice, our lead girl, part of the first generation born in the U.S. They made no attempt to cast these parts appropriately. Everyone is Northern European white. And no one has accents. So, what else is new, right? But it genuinely would have been a better movie had it been cast appropriately. Alright, let’s dive in.

The movie begins at Kathie Lee Gifford’s (Olga) house. They are having their big, annual Christmas tree trimming party. Lots of people, lots of food, and LOTS of Christmas decorations. Alice, her daughter, hasn’t arrived yet because she is back at the clothing store she runs. This store has been in their family for generations and she took it over. The honeymoon is over after the end of a different Hallmark movie; where a lead, swept up in the spirit of Christmas, agrees to stay in the hometown and run the family store.

Jack, our male lead, is burning the early evening oil as well. He’s up for a promotion that would get him back to the Twin Cities from Wisconsin. He plans to head there that night to attend the company Christmas party the following day. He has to stop at a different kind of tree trimming party first. He and his uncle, Nabeh, have a much more understated party. Just two dudes decorating a Christmas tree.

At Alice’s store, before she leaves, she gives a woman some advice on how to deal with her daughter-in-law. On her way out, she stops and comments to another woman about the retail space that’s available next to her store. She is interested in expanding but the property owner might put in one of those fancy coffee chains. Apparently, that would be devastating.

Alice finally makes it to the party. Lots of merriment is had. People ask her when she’s finally going to find someone. And then, do my eyes deceive me? Is that BRENT FROM PICTURE A PERFECT CHRISTMAS? Yes, it is. Still a busy workaholic but did, at some point in the previous decade, find time for love. In this movie his name is Mickey. He and his wife are both accountants and they have twin boys who are literally wild animals throughout this movie. And I do mean literally, not figuratively. Little boys are ALL WILD ANIMALS. I should know, because I am attempting to raise a small handful of them. Mickey and his wife Sally decide to leave because the boys are just being so cray. Girl, been there. Except, Mickey asks Sally to take them home because he needs to go back to the office. Olga asks Alice to go to a Christmas party with her the following night. Maybe she’ll meet someone?

We see both Alice and Jack parked across the street from each other either getting in or out of their respective cars. I can’t remember which it is. Wow. They appear to live across the street from each other. At Alice’s store, her coworker, which is maybe Sally? Tells her she needs to find a new dress for the party. I’m glad she did because it is a great dress.

Alice goes to the “Schooner Christmas Party” alone but is supposed to meet her mom there. Olga texts that she is going to be FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATE? There is NO WAY I could handle being alone at a party for forty five minutes. I am at an 11/10 for Alice in this circumstance. Alice steps out of the party to call her mom. When she hangs up, Jack literally bumps into her.

He follows her into the Schooner party. At first I think he is doing this because he thinks she’s cute. But then it becomes clear he just thinks he’s at his company Christmas party. Their conversation is actually hilarious. My main question is why there is a present wrapping station at a party? Do you bring your own gifts and wrap them there? That doesnt sound ideal. Do you wrap gifts for underprivileged children? That would be better. Are you just wrapping nothing for fun? Hard pass from Ol Cal. Finally, he realizes he is at the wrong party and says he does need to go to his work party. It is right around this time that Alice receives the news that her mom is flying out to the wedding tonight so Alice will not have a ride the next day. Alice and Jack then realize their cousins are marrying each other!! They can ride together! He says, okay great see you tomorrow. No exchange of phone numbers or agreeing upon a time and place to meet. That night, they both panic about being in a car for six hours with a stranger. And I panic right along with them. This is one of my nightmares. I would prefer to sit in silence or read a book. But I know that I’ve got to make small talk with a person I just met. So by golly, I make the effort and it drains every spare introvert battery cell I have. This sounds soul crushing.

Apparently, they figure out the meetup logistics without exchanging phone numbers because Alice is waiting at a coffee shop the next morning with all her stuff. He says, he could have met her at her house. But she wisely did not tell this strange person where she lived. Anyway, she bought coffee for both of them. And well, wouldn’t you know it, but he brought coffee too.

They sit in silence for a little bit but then start talking about their jobs and stuff. It seems to be going fine. They stop for a break and stupid Jack jinxes them by making a joke about them breaking down. They come back to the car and the tire is flat. Luckily, the place they stopped also sells tires! It will be a 45 minute wait so they decide to stroll through the town. What good fortune they have to stop in a Hallmark Christmas town. The shops are so cute. As they’re about to go into one, Alice trips on…nothing. They go in to one and Alice finds a dorky Christmas tie. She insists on buying it for Jack. She also finds some chocolate Santas for herself.

They still have 30 more minutes so Alice suggests they make snow angels… IN JEANS. Oh Alice, I know you are footloose and fancy free but don’t frolic about in the snow wearing jeans. They’ll be wet the rest of your trip. She ignores my advice and they make the snow angels. They make it to the hotel but they miss the rehearsal dinner. Alice has managed to sneak a random assortment of cookies though! Instead of going to find real food, they just give up and head to their rooms. Alice’s mom had the foresight to send some food from the dinner up to Alice’s room. She decides to give Jack half, but seemingly keeps the plate of brownies for herself.

The next day, it’s wedding time. Olga complains that the ushers had the audacity to seat Jack on the BRIDE’s side instead of the groom’s side so they couldn’t chat with him. She is trying to track him down at the reception. Alice is actively trying not to die of embarassment. And then, when it’s time to take their seats, Mickey has been bumped to the kids table and Jack has been miraculously placed next to Alice. Mickey makes a super sad comment. He says, this is the one chance Sally and I have a break from our kids and now we have to sit at the kids table with them. That is really sad and Olga or whoever is the grandparents do not seem to care about that at all. But also, if you have to bring your young child to a wedding, and I do not recommend it, you do probably want to be seated close to them. Because young children are wild animals and mischief always seems to find them.

Later, Jack and Alice dance but her hand starts to feel weird so she says she needs to take a break. In the bathroom, she tells her mom she’s been having trouble with her balance, experiencing numbness and feeling really fatigued. Her mom tells her she needs to see a doctor immediately. She promises that she will.

Jack and Alice agree to drive home together too. I guess the ice is broken. She says she has a stop she needs to make-at a tree lot! Jack needs a little mini tree he can transport between his Wisconsin home and his Minneapolis home. We get the whole run down about why she runs the store. It’s not really her passion. It’s her duty. Then Alice asks if he can drop her off at her house instead. And that’s when they realize that they live right across the street from each other! Wow. They agree to hang out again.

By the time Alice gets home, her mother is there putting groceries away. She knew Alice wouldn’t have anything to eat or anything. This mom seems to just come and go as she pleases. No boundaries. But this is not outside the realm of normal mothers of adults. Oh and she brought more Christmas decorations. Yes please. Jack’s uncle calls and gets the mini dude scoop on Alice. Later, Jack lights up his tree and texts Alice to look outside.

At the store, Sally comes in to work and Alice says she needs help with all the loan stuff and expansion talk. Then she heads off to her doctor’s appointment. It feels invasive to share this discussion.

That night, when Alice comes home, Jack is waiting outside her apartment for her. She thought he would have left to head back to Wisconsin already! Inside, she says she is supposed to make cookies for her mom’s cookie exchange. Except she is not very good at baking. Luckily, Jack is! So he helps her out.

The next day, or two weeks later, I have no idea… Alice decides she’d like to visit Jack’s home base in Wisconsin. She takes the whole day off and leaves Sally to run the store. Since Jack wasn’t expecting this, he asks his uncle to pal around with Alice for the morning. They have a lovely time and Nabeh shares that he is a family therapist. Well that seems coincidental.

At work, Jack finds out he got the promotion! He will be able to move back to the Twin Cities! Yay.

Back at the store, Sally is just crushing it. Mickey stops by to drop the boys with her so he can do more work and sees her in action. He changes his mind and decides to take the boys home himself. Then the property owner comes by and says he’s kind of impressed with things there.

Back in Wisconsin, Jack is having coffee with Alice and she tells him to take the job. They are about to kiss but then her phone rings. Why doesn’t anyone have their phone on silent in these movies? It’s her mom wondering where she is. While outside on that call, she sees she has a message from her doctor’s office and they want her to come in right away.

Alice somehow gets home and goes caroling with her family. She and Mickey have a nice moment while making hot chocolate where Mickey says he hasn’t done a good job of supporting his wife. While out caroling, Mickey says they have one more stop to make. They show up at his house and he sings “I Saw Three Ships” because that is a special song for him and his wife. They have a nice moment and agree to do a better job evening things out.

Alice gets the results back from her check up and blood work. The doctor’s office is just covered head to toe with Christmas decor, as per usual. The doctor tells her she has MS. She has a hard time this news. As she leaves, Jack calls and invites her out to dinner that night. She accepts.

At dinner, while they are waiting for their table, she is about to tell Jack the news about her condition. But she decides not to. But then, her drink slips out of her hand and spills all over Jack. She is still really really emotional about all of this and just has to get out of there. Jack is very confused.

Later, she calls Jack to end things. She doesnt want him to have to deal with this diagnosis.

Alice kind of shuts everyone out at this point. Her mom finally just shows up at her house and Alice shares the news. She and her mom have a really lovely mother daughter moment. She also tells Alice that she should tell Jack.

Alice learns from Sally that the property managers want to lease the next door space to the coffee shop instead of them.

Alice has a great idea. They could add a coffee bar into their expansion! Oh I love that idea. But then, she decides to tell her uncle that she doesnt want to run the store anymore. He is totally cool with it. He thinks maybe Sally is really interested in running it anyway. He also tells her the story of when they immigrated to the US by boat. Her uncle and her dad met another boy from Lebanon and they kind of all bonded. But they lost touch in the chaos after they landed.

Jack talks to his uncle about Alice. Nabeh encourages him to keep at it. They drive to Minneapolis that night so Jack can talk to her face to face.

That night, Alice hosts Mickey and Sally and the boys for a movie night. Mickey lets slip that he knows about her MS. Apparently her mom has blabbed to the whole family. They have a nice cousin moment.

When Jack and Nabeh arrive, they see Alice hugging a man outside her apartment. It is Mickey, but Jack doesn’t realize that. He is over all of it and wants to even reject the promotion. Nabeh is like, dude you need to chill out.

The next day, Alice’s uncle reports that he was able to sell the property managers on their expansion idea. And I am on board for it. And then the uncle and Alice let Sally know that she will be in charge now. She is so stoked. And I love it for her.

Jack has a client meeting in the morning he still needs to do. It turns out to be with Mickey! Mickey tells Jack what’s been going on with Alice and they cook up a plan. Sally, Olga and her uncle all devise to get her back to her apartment and keep her there. Jack is across the street working on some signs. Finally, Mickey shows up and tells Alice to look outside. A series of signs flash on his apartment window about how he knows about her MS and doesnt care and it’s all very dramatic but nice.

Then Jack walks through the door and they have a nice moment in front of ten other people. Then Nabeh walks in and he and the uncle realize they were on the same boat together all those year ago. So this is actually true from the real story. That Jack’s uncle and Alice’s dad and uncle were all friends on the boat to the US and then lost touch. So that is so crazy.

All the olds finally give Jack and Alice some privacy and they are apparently already at the I LOVE YOU stage. Wow. And then the movie ends with showing pictures of the real life Jack and Alice. Let’s see how much Christmas Hallmark threw in to this real life story.

• 6. Clumsy Meet Cute
• 9. Christmas Gala/Party
• 11. Christmas Baking
• 18. Someone not chasing their real life dream
• 19. I’m counting her mom as a sassy and wise best friend

Total score: 5/20

Write Before Christmas premiered on Sunday, November 17 on the Hallmark Channel. I’ve been waiting to see my BOY Chad Michael Murray all season. I think he was in one of these last year too but I can’t remember for sure. I actually only know Chad as “Tristan” from the Gilmore Girls. I never watched One Tree Hill. But he still reminds me of my youth so he remains my boy for the purposes of Hallmark cataloging. More on our beloved CMM later. Okay let’s dive in.

At first I think this is going to be a Santa movie because our leading lady, Jessica, wakes up to a Christmas song on her phone and her bedding and room are like a Balsam Hill commercial. I think her pajamas are Christmas too. She casually walks downstairs to her massive kitchen and I wonder if she lives in a department store display. She has all the time in the world to get a leisurely cup of coffee and sit on the couch. She opens up her computer and does the absolute worst photoshopping in the history of photo shop. She even photoshopped her own head! Why didn’t they just have those two actors take a normal photo together? She adds a bunch of Christmas clip art to the background and orders 30. Her boyfriend, Wes FaceTimes her. He is clearly already at work and she is lounging in her pajamas. He wants to meet for drinks at 7. Are they going to each eat dinner on their own? Her boyfriend is a grump about Christmas.

She stops into a card store and gets a bunch of cards. She seems to know the shop owner. Irrelevant to the rest of the plot. She then bumps into Chad Michael Murray but they both keep walking. This interaction is never mentioned again by either party.

Jessica is at work chatting with her friend and coworker about her boyfriend. She reminds her friend that Wes is an optician, not an optometrist. He did not go to medical school. She tells the friend that she is determined to get him in the Christmas spirit. She plans to send him a Christmas card every day that week and then overload him with all kinds of Christmas activities. Okay, well I would watch that movie. But I know that is not happening in THIS movie because Wes is not Chad Michael Murray. He will NEVER be Chad Michael Murray.

We learn that Jessica plays the cello and owns a music store. Her friend, Mimi tells her that she heard that the big “Heritage Symphony Orchestra” needs a cellist. Mimi can get her an audition somehow! She doesn’t want to do it because she hasn’t been practicing or playing at all. So far, I hate this character but I love her sweaters. Also, I want to live in her house.

Oh good. That guy from the album cover Jessica hugged is in this movie too. He is sleeping and his manager/brother Todd is trying to wake him up. He seems like a lazy, washed up celeb.

Oh! This movie will have some troops! A guy is fixing a car. A girl soldier comes in with a package. He accidentally gets grease on her hand. Are we going to have a troop love story too?

An older woman is looking at a photo on her wall with a dog tag hanging on it. Is it her husband? Did he pass away? Oh, it’s Aunt Lila. And Carter must be Jessica’s brother. Jessica is on the phone and asks if she is going to make her special fruitcake for Christmas. Come on you guys. Fruitcake isn’t good. She plans to bring Wes. Lila doesn’t feel like doing a tree this year. Outside, we see a cute older gentleman walking an embarrassingly small dog.

Chad Michael Murray is a photographer. His name is Luke. He is taking prom-esque photos of a newly engaged couple in front of a tree. He is seemingly at Primos. Why are they doing photo shoots at Primos? The bride wants to set him up with her bridesmaid and won’t take no for an answer. Primo seems to be his friend. He asks Luke to play Santa somewhere. Have they seen his face? And how old do they think he is? Why is Luke the person to play Santa? That is not working for me. Luke and Jessica barely pass by each other again.

Primos is famous for being the “proposal palace”. And this is where Jessica and Wes are scheduled to get drinks. Look, if you propose to me at a restaurant, I’m breaking up with you on the spot. She is waiting for him and her friend texts her to send a picture of the ring. She take the napkin holder and pretends it’s a ring and takes a picture. Kind of funny. Wes comes in with a bag. He hasn’t even sat down and she comes in HOT with the puns about his profession and Christmas generally. He is not prepared for any of this. But he has a mission. He starts to give a speech that by all accounts, appears to be leading towards a proposal. She blurts out NO! It’s only been 3 months. And he says he was going to break up with her. Well that sounds about right.

Back at her house, she wines down (high five!) with Mimi. Mimi gives her some good advice. And then, in a weird turn of events, Jessica decides she is going to take a holiday from men and Christmas. What? Mimi is like, what is happening right now? After Mimi leaves, Jessica puts exactly one box of Christmas decorations back in storage. In the process, she sees a box of Christmas cards. She reads through them and comes up with a better idea. She takes all the cards she bought for Wes and decides to send them to other people. Hey, did you know that Hallmark sells greeting cards? Check these out. They are three dimensional and have whimsical Christmas characters on them. There is a card for everyone on your list. She goes outside in the dead of night to drop her cards at the mail box.

The next morning, back at the music shop, Mimi’s card has already arrived. Yes, Jessica sent it to her own place of business instead of sending it to Mimi’s home. Jessica makes a bunch of inappropriate comments to Mimi about starting a family. Mimi is like, well we said we would wait three years. And Jessica was like, girl, I wouldn’t. You and I are both on the wrong side of 30. You don’t want to be in a geriatric pregnancy situation. Regardless, Mimi has a “gift” for Jessica too. She signed her up to audition for that orchestra. What? Like it’s hard? Jessica is mortified. That audition is in like, what, ten days or less? THAT’S NOT ENOUGH TIME MIMI.

Luke is playing hockey. Good for him. The hockey bros are chatting about blind dates and lost love. I remember wanting to chit chat on the bench as a young hockey player myself. And then my coach yelled at me to focus. But I don’t see any coaches here so maybe it’s fine.

The next day, Luke goes to his blinde date. She is practicing lines with no one. Luke knows he should run right back out the door but they need to fill time. So he sits down and she is really into trying to be an actress. She asks if he can do her headshots. Then she asks if he will run lines with her. She does one of those “How could you?!” scenes with him and storms off. He gets his coffee to go.

Back at home he sees there is a card for Mrs. Miller. He opens it and it’s from Jessica. It appears that Mrs. Miller was her music teacher and had a huge impact on her life. Did you know that Hallmark sells greeting cards? And they have the power to just change someone’s day. Find them wherever greeting cards are sold. Extra postage may be required.

Lila is out getting her mail. She drops a red envelope on her way back to the house which sets up a great meet cute opportunity with Tom and the little dog. When he hands her the envelope, he loses control of the leash of a 15 lb dog and the dog runs right into the house and jumps on the couch. Let me be clear, this dog is a GOOD BOY. They both pretend to have a conversation with the dog and then she offers to get them both a bowl of water. Hilarity. Oh, and both of their spouses passed away. THREE LOVE STORIES IN ONE MOVIE.

Carter, the solider also gets his card from Jessica. Wow, I didn’t realize how powerful a Hallmark card could be. The cute girl solider is waiting in life for mail but doesn’t have any letters. Carter shows her his letter and she is about to start crying and runs off.

Jax gets a card from Jessica. Somehow she has his home address. She sends Mimi’s to her work, but Jax gets his delivered to his home. Anyway, she writes that his music got her through a hard time. He seems very touched. But his card has a pop up Christmas tree in it so-how could he NOT be touched?

Luke is playing Santa for some kids. NO ONE is buying it. He’s got that belt cinched as tight as it can go! Come on guys. At least stuff a pillow under his jacket.

Jessica is walking home all alone at night. As soon as she opens the bottom door to her apartment complex, Luke gets out of his car and follows her in. It very much looks like he was waiting for her. Is this about to become a horror movie? Or an episode of Law and Order? He follows her up the stairs. She turns around and STUPIDLY says she has pepper spray. Just spray him girl! Luke does not help matters by not explaining himself right away. But like, he could have legitimately just murdered Jessica right in the hallway. He looks up at her apartment door and asks if she’s Jessica. He is still wearing his Santa pants and a few barbs are made at his expense. It’s too boring to relay exactly. He then explains he got the card meant for his mom. She is teaching in Kenya for a year.

Okay, Luke? Men in general? If you receive a card meant for your mom and your mom wants to thank the person, you should send a card in response. Do not show up in the dead of night with the intent of thanking someone in person for a CARD. I know these are magical, whimsical holiday cards designed with love by the good people at Hallmark. But send one back instead girlfriend!

So after all of this, he somehow follows her IN to her apartment. She drops her GIANT bag of apples and they bonk heads trying to pick them up. Then they both TOUCH THE SAME APPLE and I can’t do this with them right now. And then Luke doubles down on being creepy and says he remembers her from their childhood. He knows she played the cello. He says it was great seeing her again. I tell you what, you put different music to this series of scenes and it is a THRILLER. There is a 50/50 chance that CMM just murders her right now. Whew. He leaves. Crisis averted.

The next morning, I guess the nightmare is not over because Luke is standing outside her place of business with a giant case. This movie would like you to believe it is a musical instrument case but I know better. It is either a weapon or he is going to put her in the case. Oh, never mind. The cello was his mom’s and she wants to give it to Jessica for sending her that $10 card. It did need extra postage. Boy, those cards can really mean more than we could ever know. Mimi and Luke both pressure her to play. They are BLOWN AWAY by her rendition of Silent Night. He’s heard that cello before and it’s never sounded like that. So, is Jessica back on board with Christmas? Are we never going to mention that just a few days ago she said she wasn’t going to do any Christmas stuff? But here she is, playing Silent Night on the cello.

Chad asks who decorated their tree? Which one, asks Jessica? There are approximately 40 trees in this small music shop. Anyway, Jessica decorated it. He asks if she’s free for an hour later. She tells him she’s sworn off dating. Luke asks her to CHILL. He just needs someone to pick out a tree with him.

Lila is out and about and sees Blitzen and Tom. She asks how the owner search is going. She comments that he looks a little scruffy and Tom says the dog won’t sit still for a picture. Been there girl!. She offers to let them come inside to clean up the dog and try some pictures. We all know what is going to happen here. They presumably give him a bath or something but we don’t see that. And then, while the dog is sitting on the coach next to Lila, Tom tries to take some pictures of him. I’m not sure it’s possible to get a picture of the dog without Lila’s leg in it and well, that seems like a weird picture to post to find the dog a home. Tom then suggests a selfie with all three of them. Good luck Tom. There is no way my dad would be capable of that. Then she says what we’re all waiting for-why doesn’t the dog just stay with her? Tom is like really? Okay byeeee!

Back at the military base, Carter sees Angie again. She tells him she doesn’t have much family and her mom doesn’t talk to her anymore since she joined the military. So she doesn’t get any mail. She also talks about how she’s never built a snowman because she’s from Florida. But she HAS made little snowmen out of oranges, so that’s pretty dang close.

In the third, completely unnecessary storyline of this movie, Jax is working on some new music at the piano. He’s got the Hallmark card out and is writing on a napkin. He is a serious musician after all. Oh and he may want to get the boyz back together. Who knew a card could inspire all that?

Against my better judgment, Jessica is at the tree lot with Luke. I mean, I guess it is Chad Michael Murray. I might be willing to take the risk of being murdered too if Chad is the murderer. So at the tree lot, they both seem to kind of belittle the work of wedding photographers. He’s a freelance photographer. Is that not a creative enough job for a Hallmark lead? Are we really going to wade into the weeds of how creative someone gets to be in their creative job? Enough already. We all know Luke is barely paying the bills as it is. Jessica, in true Hallmark lead fashion, knows so much about trees. And Hallmark is all about that needle retention y’all.

Jessica gets in this guy’s car a second time to take the tree to an undisclosed location. So many red flags. She asks if he plays hockey because his bag is in the back seat. Okay you guys. For real, this is not okay. Hockey bags smell SO BAD; especially a dude’s hockey bag. They would need all the windows down. They would not be able to breathe. And is he like, perpetually storing this bag in his backseat? Because that would make the smell even worse. My parents wouldn’t even let us store our gear INSIDE the house. We left it in the garage and we would be just freezing to death putting our ice cold equipment on for practices. And they’re just riding casually in the car with that bag in the backseat. No.

They somehow overcome this component of the drive and talk about Christmas songs. Jessica loves that Jax hit Christmas song. Luke hates it. These crazy kids. I have a hard time with their conversation. They show up at…primos? No! Next door to the restaurant is a Children’s Home-St. Mary’s. And Luke spent time there before he was adopted by Mrs. Miller. Oh Yay! Another foster care shout out. In the state where we were fostering, there weren’t any young kids living in these types of homes. They were pretty much only for teens. So if this is actual situation for some kids across the country, that is really heart breaking. For real, if you are even slightly interested about foster care or just have questions, send me an email!

On the way in to St. Mary’s Luke quotes “It’s a Wonderful Life” to Jessica. Hey, that’s her favorite Christmas movie! When they go inside, he gets all dressed up like Santa and she has a Santa hat. He calls her Mrs. Kringle. None of the kids seem concerned that she’s wearing normal clothes. They make a bunch of weird passive agressive inside jokes about each other to these kids and I feel uncomfortable. Let’s just get that tree up, eh?

Lila is in her garage and Tom stops by. He starts drooling over her husband’s old car. He wants to take it out for a spin. Why don’t they go Christmas shopping? You drive, girlfriend. It’s your husband’s car and this is the nineties! Blitzen goes too.

Back at the military base, Carter is outside next to a military vehicle with reindeer antlers on the front. Is that allowed? Angie comes out and they apparently are supposed to go on a work related outing together. He asks if she got her orders yet. No, she hasn’t. While they are driving, they experience car trouble. Maybe those antlers messed up the engine. I think Carter says the engine overheated so they have to just wait for it to cool down. Angie says she wants to make a snowman. Boy, do those two have fun making a snowman. They laugh and laugh. And then have a snowball fight. These kids. Footloose and fancy free.

Ugh. Back to Jax, who is dressed in a button up and sweater to lounge around his house and play the piano. Did I miss a scene where he says he hasn’t left his home in ten years or what? The gig where he was supposed to open for some up and coming YouTube star fell through because they didn’t want him to play ANY NEW SONGS. Jax makes some comments about fans vs. follower and he takes that view pretty seriously. His brother says he’ll call the boys to get the band back together. Jax say, no. I’ll do it.

Back in the horror movie plot line, Jessica is held against her will at St. Mary’s for six hours. They sing carols with the kids that entire time so I guess it is a horror movie for all involved. On their way out, Luke says he knows within the first five minutes if someone is right for him. I think he probably says this because he is a serial killer and he’s just murdering all these women. Then, since St. Mary’s is literally next door to this restaurant which all looks to be in a residential area, they see Wes walking out of Primos. Luke holds Jessica’s hands to help make Wes jealous and then SHE SUGGESTS THAT THEY KISS AND THEY ACTUALLY KISS! And then she asks immediately if Wes saw. You idiot. Anyway, she’s overwhelmed so she says she’s going to take a cab. Luke is like, no I’ll drive you. And Jessica is like, in your stinky hockey bag car? No thanks. She basically throws herself onto a cab and high tails it home.

The next day…or maybe when she gets back? I can’t remember; she finds an evelope someone slid under her door. It is a group photo of Luke, her and all the St. Mary’s kids. That got developed quickly. Then she plays the cello in the store. While she plays, I notice there are approximately 44 Christmas trees in this store. How are the customers supposed to examine all the merch? Then she and Mimi talk about the audition. However, the conversation quickly switches to BOYS. Jessica says “We kissed and I forget the rest.” Oof. But then, a customer notices the St. Mary’s picture and asks about the photographer. Jessica tells her about Luke but doesn’t know his website. Good luck finding the right “Luke Miller” on the internet!!

Back in uninteresting Jax land, he is working on that Christmas jam. The BOYS show up at his door. They immediately start singing. And then Jax is like, why did we even break up you guys? And they were like, well you wanted to go solo so it’s actually your fault…? How could you forget. Anyway, that’s all in the past apparently. We’ve got a new Christmas song to sing!

Chad is at a wedding snapping pics. That one bridesmaid wants to make sure that he remembers to take her headshots. He says he has a hockey game on the one day she suggests. She says she loves hockey. What does that have to do with taking headshots?

Back at slightly more interesting Lila’s house, she is talking to the dog. She finds the card that Jessica sent. It got pushed behind some books or something when she brought it in the house. She reads it and just loses her mind. Tears are streaming. Who knew a card could warm someone’s heart like that? Who know a greeting card could be filled with such overwhelming whimsy? I didn’t. So she calls Jessica and is just a sobbing mess. Jessica meets Blitzen over the phone and he barks at her. My dog usually just wanders off when I try to get him to FaceTime with people.

Oh yikes. Luke is taking these headshots on the rink, apparently right before their game is about to start. Primo skates over and is like, dude wrap it up. But then he sees the headshot girl and recognizes her from a commercial. There seems to be a connection there. She asks for an action shot of her skating and immediately falls into Luke’s arms. Jessica walks in to apparently also skate around with him during the hockey game right at that moment. She walks right back out.

The next morning she is at the shop early with Mimi and her husband. They are talking about who the skating girl could be. Then they tell Jessica there is a special reason they asked her to come in early. Her card inspired them to talk about having a baby! Isn’t that great! I am not sure why deciding to try to have a baby is a meet-us-at-the-shop-early type of announcement. But who knew a greeting card could make such an impact on a marriage?

Back at Lila’s, she is about to walk Blitzen when Tom shows up. He sees a wrapped fruitcake being used as a doorstopper. Apparently, their tradition is to make the fruitcake; but as a joke. I liked this but it also seems like one extra thing I have to do during the holidays. Anyway, Tom found a potential home for the dog! Lila seems a little bummed. Well who knew that was coming?

Luke gets an email from that customer, who is apparently a reporter. Wants to hear all about St. Mary’s and stuff. Great!

Jax and the boyz do a radio interview. It’s always been about the music you guys. That’s why Jax abandoned his band boyz to have a solo career. But that’s all water under the bridge. They are here to just play the music of their hearts now, together.

Wes shows up at the music shop. Maybe he was wrong. They should give this another chance. Jessica is like, no thank you. I’m on a holiday from dating! What about that guy? No I’m not dating him either. Luke sees this from outside but DOESN’T LEAVE because he is a serial killer. Luke appropriately misinterprets Wes’s comment when he leaves. Jessica literally stands facing away from the door for way longer than would be natural. Luke finally leaves and then she turns around. Oy.

The next day, St. Mary’s is on the cover of the newspaper. The reporter was inspired to become a foster parent! That is great. That is apparently also front page news in this town. Whatever gets more people fostering, I guess.

Mimi and her husband are leaving for Michigan and I swear I saw her husband put a baby carrier in their car. The Frndly app’s rewind is pretty slow though so I didn’t bother to recheck.

It is audition time. Jessica is FREAKING OUT. I would be too. It’s the Heritage Symphony Orchestra after all. The stage is covered with Christmas trees. She gives a speech before she plays. The judging panel is like, just shut up and play the cello, girl. She plays Carol of the Bells. Is that a good cello song? I don’t know.

At the military base, another story line I’m bored with, Angie is on the phone seemingly talking to a family member. That’s great. Jessica calls her brother. She is SUBSTITUTE SECOND CHAIR. This is great. Way to keep it in perspective, Hallmark. This is the appropriate position for Jessica I think.

Wow. Tom has really leveled up. He is now driving Lila’s late husband’s car around town. They get to the prospective dog owner’s home and Lila doesnt want him to go. Well, duh. We all knew that 30 minutes ago. Why did we have to go through this little charade?

Primo and Luke bro down about Jessica. Single Primo lectures Luke while holding a stack of pizzas. They are headed to the group home. Luke is dressed like Santa again. One of the girls asks where Mrs. Kringle is. She asked because apparently Jessica came by earlier and dropped off a bunch of presents! I would have liked to see that. But no, instead we see Jessica at home in her ridiculous Santa bed watching It’s a Wonderful Life. Luke is home watching the same movie and looking through an old photo album. OMG, they were in a photo together when they were kids! That definitely doesn’t make this movie creepier.

The next day, Jessica is inexplicably back at the tree lot.

At the military base, Carter has something for Angie. His own Christmas card. He blacked out his sister’s message to give it to her. Why on earth couldn’t Jessica have just sent him a new card? This is so ridiculous but poor Angie is touched. And they’re both going to Germany next. And THEY KISS.

Jessica shows up at Lila’s with the tree. Tom and Blitzen are there. Lila says she has the card to thank for bringing Tom and Blitzen into her life. You never know what can happen when you send a Hallmark Holiday card this season! Miracles abound.

Luke is at a Christmas party at Primos I think. Primo is dancing with the headshot girl and Luke is just standing around. He doesnt really want to stay.

Jessica is eating dinner with her aunt and Tom. She gets a call from Mimi that Jax and the boyz are playing at some club locally. Jessica basically drops everything to go. Luke is driving and hears about the concert too. He tries to get in but the bouncer says they’re all full. He tries to make an impassioned Hallmark speech about how there is a woman inside he needs to talk to right now. The bouncer gives him a candy cane. It’s like that line from that 80s movie-“I poured out my heart to a bouncer, and he gave me a candy cane.” But he doesnt give up. He somehow sneaks in through another entrance.

Up on stage. Jax basically gives all the credit for restarting his career to Jessica because she sent him a Christmas card. She understandably freaks out. Again, these holiday cards are just CHANGING LIVES. Luke finds Jessica and they talk and then they KISS. Then we see a bunch of different holiday parties. Let’s see how we stacked up.

• 6. Clumsy meet cute
• 13. The troops had a snowball fight
• 14. Christmas puns
• 17. Fake dramatic conflict
• 19. A sassy and wise best friend.

Total Score: 5/20

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Email me at: hallmarksthespotmovies@gmail.com; especially if you want to learn more about becoming a foster parent in your state. Or if you just have questions about our experience!

Leave a comment below! What is my checklist missing? Did you like this movie? What did I miss in my recap?

Christmas Under the Stars premiered on November 17, 2019 on the Hallmark Channel. This movie stars Hallmark Dreamboat, Jesse Metcalfe. My husband said, I thought you said the guy from the last movie was the cutest one? Well, I forgot that Jesse was in one of these, okay? I’ve got two more movies to get through this weekend though so let’s dive in.

Our lead, Julie is wearing a fabulous dress as a secondary education teacher. She does a little bit of teaching and a poor little mouse comes in late. Out in the hall, Julie is chatting with her Vice Principal and friend. There are an OBSCENE number of Christmas trees in the hallway. But any number over zero would be obscene. Were there EVER Christmas trees in your high school? Can you imagine the dumb dumbs that would just wreck those ornaments? Not here, apparently. They chat about it being her son Matt’s first Christmas without his grandpa-her dad. They also chat about her dealing with all her dad’s medical bills. Y’all only have 3 minutes to get to your next class though so quit yapping!

Our boy, Jesse shows up to a building in a FANCY car. I learn later that it is an unremarkable 1994 Porsche something. He is trying to get in to a fancy condominium? A Co-op? What is that thing where you live in an apartment complex but there’s an HOA type organization and those people decide if you can live there or not? Anyway, that’s what’s happening here. He wants to live in this fancy apartment building. He name drops his famous at business dad’s name and they all seem impressed. As the board members walk out, an ELDERLY WOMAN WINKS AT HIM. We are under ten minutes in to this movie. What is happening?

Nick is back at his business office and feeling good about himself and his life. He talks to his work bro about the apartment and how he expects to get a promotion. His boss calls him in and talks to him about all the risks he’s taken. Apparently one of those risks caused some problems for their biggest client, Finnler Co. I think he is like a stock broker or an investment person? PEAK BUSINESS ACTIVITIES HAPPENING HERE. His boss is not pleased about any of this so he gets fired. Finnler Co wanted a head to roll, but not literally of course. So Nick is out.

Back at Julie’s house, she is trying to chat with her son. He is not interested. He is just perpetually down. She asks for his advice about a chronically late student. He tells her something her dad would have said, but I didn’t write that down so I can’t tell you. It is definitely PROFOUND though. Oh, he said-you should just ask her what’s going on. See? She then gets a call from a collection agency or something and they want her credit card over the phone RIGHT NOW. She tries to explain that she’s being double billed and THEY hang up on HER. How are they going to get their money if they are hanging up on people?

Nick is back at his place looking at selling his “fancy” car.

The next morning, little Mia Mouse is late AGAIN. She does know the answer to whatever science question Julie asked though. After class, Julie asks Mia if she has some time to chat and she says no. She seems like a shy, cute little pup though; not an angsty teen.

Nick is outside feeling flustered and walking around his block. Clem, a Christmas Tree lot owner, is trying to hang some stuff up and set up his wares. He calls Nick over to help him, much like how every elderly person at the grocery store asks me to get stuff for them on the top shelf. Nick helps him get set up while wearing his business clothes. Clem offers to give him a free tree for his trouble. GIRL TAKE IT. No, Nick hasn’t had a tree in 25 years. Why start now? Clem offers him a job. He pays $1/hour OVER minimum wage. Clem, can’t you see he’s wearing business clothes? Why do you think he needs a job? Clem can just tell. He’s wandering the streets in the middle of a work day, for starters. What is this, France? No. He definitely doesn’t have a job.

Julie and Matt show up to the tree lot. It is clear they know Clem really well. Nick and Julie look at each other and smile. Clem talks to them about hot chocolate and trees. When Clem tries to introduce them to Nick, we see that Nick has ducked out. Nick gets a call from his dad. He seems nice. They talk for a while about what busy businessmen they are and Nick’s dad lists a bunch of foreign cities he’s jet settled to and from. Nick doesn’t share that he was fired.

Back at the tree lot, Clem and Julie are talking about her dad and what a nice guy he was. Later, Clem relays the whole day to a photograph. This picture looks really modern so I feel it is a current photo. Like his son or something. But we will find out later that it is an “old” photo of his wife and him.

The next day, Nick comes back and asks for the job. He starts doing some work but he is not dressed for it. He tells Clem he doesn’t know that much about the business of trees. Clem says those darn developers, developing vacant lots and renovating old buildings have hurt his business. Wouldn’t that just mean MORE people are coming around your place? Plus, you deliver! But, this is PRIME real estate in the city of Chicago. So they are going to pave this parking lot and put up a building. Isn’t that how the old song goes? Nick finally realizes he is not dressed properly and Clem offers him some gloves and a different coat in his RV. Nick sees the photo and asks if he has always done this alone. He says he used to have a partner, but doesn’t want to talk about it further with Nick.

Outside, Julie and Matt are back again. Nick, Matt, and Clem have a cute little fight about who will be in charge of the hot chocolate. I think Nick asks Matt if he knows how to work a saw. Matt feels shy and wanders off. Clem tells them their tree isn’t ready. What? Clem gives Matt some tree scraps to…tide him over? As they leave, Nick can’t remember Julie’s name. Or is he joking? It’s not clear. Clem knows what is happening.

After they leave, Clem tells him about being in the Air Force and knowing Julie’s dad 50 years ago. Then we hear a siren. A group of firefighters show up to help Clem set up. They’ve been doing it for 10 years. And they’ve brought a reporter to do a little story on his 30 year anniversary. Does this come back up again at any later point in the movie? Absolutely not.

Then we learn the history of the lot. Clem’s wife Gracie died 4 years ago. The tree lot started 30 years ago when they were drivin and just saw a big pile of discarded pine trees right after Thanksgiving. What?!! Someone just had a bunch of Christmas trees and they threw them in the ditch? Clem, what did you guys do to the person driving those trees into the city that fateful day in 1989? So anyway, now they actually purchase or cut down the trees every year. All the boys take a picture together in the pitch black night. As Nick is leaving, Clem asks him to drop off a tree on his way home.

Back at Julie’s, Matt plays with a toy airplane. There is a casual plate of cookies on the table. He seems to be in a perpetual state of ennui. The doorbell rings. What? It’s Nick, with the tree! But it wasn’t “ready” yet! How could he possibly be here? Julie seems so confused. So am I. How can a tree that is already cut down and in the tree lot not be “ready” for purchase? But that’s not what she’s confused about. She was just so sure it wasn’t “ready” and she would pick it up later. She is devastated about not having another errand to do.

They have a nice chat about her dad. Nick shares that his mom died when he was really young. They ask Matt to go fetch some water. He constructs a little set up so that water doesn’t spill or maybe it is too heavy? Anyway, he has a little engineer brain. Julie says that’s how she was as a kid too and we’ll find out later that this doesn’t quite add up but maybe it turns out to be a nice thing. Stay tuned for further down this page! Anyway, business person Nick would like to demonstrate how he now knows how to use a pocket knife. He cuts the netting off the tree and fluffs it. He is DOING HIS BEST and Matt and Julie both pat him on the head for his trouble.

Julie says she is a 7th grade science teacher. Nick makes an inadvertently sexist comment about his expectations of what a science teacher looks like. (Spoiler: old white dude.) Look, he’s not wrong. All my science teachers were old white dudes. Except, OMG I just remembered both my junior high science teachers were women! Anyway, she says her dad loved science too. They look at each other for a long time and then she kind of gets defensive about the tree. Like, hey I didn’t ask you to bring this tree over. I don’t need any help. I am 5 feet tall and could have definitely carried that tree in and set it up by myself. And he is sort of like, where did that come from? I just looked at you. And she was like, well don’t.

Back at Nick’s apartment complex, or co-op.. did he get the apartment or not? Who cares. Mr. I-Don’t-do-Christmas has a beautiful wreath on his door. Clem has left a tree for him also.

The next morning, Nick is dressed more appropriately for tree lot employment. ALOT OF PLAID and VESTS, guys. It’s working for Nick though, obviously. Clem greets everyone like old friends. He knows everyone. Oh! We even have a troop show up in his uniform to get a tree before he ships out.

Julie and her VP/BFF are at the cutest bakery/coffee shop. Where are these? I have yet to see a real life bakery that lives up to my Hallmarkspectations. Oh dang, that is a good word. I am pretty pleased about that. She tells the VP that Nick was over at their house for an hour. What? Really? What did I miss? It seemed like he was in and out. The VP has a little surprise for Julie. She found some “extra money” so that Julie could do a special project for her students. Look, either the VP is embezzling or she is just paying for it out of her own pocket. There is no extra money that she can just unilaterally give to her teacher friend. Am I wrong here? And then calls herself an adMIN instead of ADmin. I mean, if you are saying the entire word “administrator” she is correct. I have just never heard a school administrator pronounce the shortened version the way she did. And I know a few school administrators so you’re going to have to trust me.

Back at the tree lot, Matt and Julie brought a KRINGLE. It is part of their Scandinavian tradition. Guess what? It’s part of MY Scandinavian traditions as well. Kringle is SO GOOD. I am dreaming about it as we speak. The one here looks like it has colored frosting though. I have not seen that. So basically, they are giant frauds. Nick decides to teach Matt to use the bow saw. Julie silently panics and so do I. And then, Nick’s old boss is at the tree lot in the middle of the work day getting a wreath. For personal use? No. For business purposes? Also no. Nick basically melts down. And then he is so frustrated, he can’t figure out how to use the bailer. Or has he not yet figured it out as part of his onboard training? And we want this guy teaching our children to use hand saws? I don’t think so.

Nick is on the phone with his work bro. This work bro is dressed like he’s 1980 Charlie Sheen. The work bro says he got the “junior partnership”. OMG he’s so sorry he just let that slip. Okay, enough is enough. Nick is FORTY. Emma from the last movie is FORTY-ONE. She was promised a “Junior staff” position if she worked hard. How old do you have to be for a regular promotion? When does the “junior” qualifier become wholly inappropriate?

The next day, Julie and Matt are inexplicably back at the tree lot. What day is it? Does this kid ever have school? Matt, no longer shy, invites Nick to help them decorate their tree. Julie says it’s okay as long as he knows how to sing Christmas Carols. He pretends to get all the names of popular Christmas Carols wrong and we all agree he is adorable.

At Julie’s house, Nick seems to remember a lot about decorating trees for a guy who hasn’t done it in 25 years. I take notes. They sing carols while they decorate and I die a little inside from embarrassment for all of them. After they’re done, Julie sends Matt to bed but then goes up to read to him? Nick stays for some reason. Julie comes back and says, sorry, he always asks for one more chapter. Chapter?!! Nick, how long were you waiting for this whole exercise? At least thirty minutes. I find this unacceptable. Just go home! Or don’t make your guest wait. Or show the man how to pull up Netflix on your TV. They chat about her parents and other things. Boy they are just really connecting, aren’t they?

Later, Nick finds out he has an interview with a different business establishment. Julie goes through her mail and has a FINAL NOTICE letter from…FinnlerCo!! That evil financial business that wanted Nick’s head to roll!

The next morning, the VP doesn’t want to hear about anything except Nick. Doesn’t care about whether Julie is spending taxpayer money wisely. She just wants that goss. (Short for gossip, for any “olds” out there).

Back at the tree lot AGAIN, Julie is hustlin for HERSELF and asks Nick to dinner. Nick and Matt do some more saw work. Clem is having a tough time. I think he is missing his pal Henry and his wife. Then as Julie and Matt are leaving, Julie says something about meeting at 7 and Matt is like, oh! You’re coming over for dinner? And Nick just goes with it and says, yep! I’m bringing pizza over. And Matt says, oh good. You can come to the tree lighting with us then. Then Nick whistles while he works. Then he and Clem have a nice heart to heart about trees.

At Julie’s house it is a full on pizza PARTY. Nick helps Matt with his toy plane. Julie is cleaning up and thanks Nick for being flexible. They obviously did not plan on including Matt in this evening but she is grateful he was cool with it. They have a nice chat about dating with a kid. He asks when she got divorced and she shares that she was a foster parent! Well this is exciting because we were foster parents too. Then she says some very wrong statements. She says she wasn’t a very good foster parent because she asked to adopt the first placement she had. Wouldn’t we ALL LIKE TO ADOPT ALL OUT FOSTER KIDS, JULIE!!! That’s why people don’t want to do it in the first place. But unfortunately, this was exactly our experience so I’m not helping anyone learn any lessons. We had three foster placements and adopted all of them. That is not a typical foster care experience though. So this is why it was weird that she implies that Matt is genetically predisposed towards certain skill sets that match hers. Look, it does happen-I mean, my kids somehow have my dance skills. But here it just seems like an oversight! Okay, back to Hallmark movies.

They are at the tree lighting and there is ANOTHER shout out for foster kids. Great work Hallmark-a fundraiser that actually makes sense. Julie gets emotional about stars. They have more good conversations and then go back to Julie’s. They are standing outside in the freezing cold August evening. He shares that he was actually fired from his business job. She somehow connects the dots about investment banking and her medical bills. She shares that it’s been really difficult to figure out that whole mess. She mentions that one of the companies she now owes or that claims that she owes them money is called FinnlerCo. Wait a minute! He says that was his firm’s biggest client. She then personally blames him for all her medical bill drama. Nick tries to explain that’s not how any of this works but she is too worked up to have a rational conversation. But we are only an hour in at this point so this is UNCONVENTIONAL TIMING.

Nick talks to Clem about it. Clem is like, boy, I didn’t realize how crazy Julie was. I’m sorry I tried to push you two together. We learn that the 1994 Porsche is actually a gift from his dad. It was his dad’s and it was a business school graduation present. It’s not a STATUS SYMBOL so shame on you for judging him.

Julie goes to Mia’s house to figure out what is going on with her. I can’t decide if I love this or hate this. On one hand, I am thrilled that a teacher would be so invested in figuring out what is going on with a struggling student that she takes the time to investigate; rather than just marking her tardy and sending passive agressive emails to her parents. But I feel a house call borders on inappropriate. Anyway, she finds out that Mia is struggling because her mom just remarried and had a baby all within the span of a year. I am not sure if they reach any resolution about next steps.

Back at school, Julie is passing out permission slips for her special project, which is a night viewing of a meteor shower or something?

Nick does some research on the company with whom he is interviewing and they seem focused on socially responsible investing. This is great news for all of us.

Julie comes back to the tree lot but they kind of avoid each other. Nick is saved by a phone call from his dad. Nick still doesn’t share that he was fired or that he is now working at a tree lot. I am now realizing that Nick is actually the main character in this movie. It seems rare that the lead is actually a man instead of a woman. But we all know Jesse can carry a film on his own.

Nick heads home from work and Clem has dropped off another tree and some ornaments. Back at Julie’s house, she doesn’t put the star on her tree.

In the RV, Nick learns more about Clem and Gracie. Gracie allegedly made him promise to keep the tree lot going. Clem tells him not to waste time if he loves a woman. Even 41 years wasn’t enough. Preach, Clem. Nick heads out to do more deliveries. Why are they always delivering trees in the dead of night? His job interview is tomorrow!

It’s the night of the big science field trip. Julie does some teaching and star gazing.

Nick returns to the tree lot to drop off the truck. He calls and leaves his dad a message. He drops the bomb that he was fired and is now working at a tree lot. He tells him he has an interview the next day but knows his dad is disappointed in him. He goes inside to drop the keys off and sees Clem on the ground in his RV and his hand is bleeding. Clem fell while holding the picture frame. They get him all cleaned up and Nick insists that Clem should stay the night at his place. Clem is worried about opening the next day and about Nick getting to his interview on time but Nick promises to figure it out. They go to his house which is OBSCENELY decorated for a single dude. He has all sixteen of his trees up and decorated. Clem insists on taking the couch. The poor old boy falls asleep instantly. Nick leaves and asks Julie to meet him at the tree lot and asks for her help. Why can’t he step out into the hallway or close his bedroom door and call instead?

The next morning, Nick finds parking right in front of the place he needs to be as per usual. He has his interview at Wardstone Partners. There is NO TIME FOR HR. He is meeting with the president or whoever directly. She is scrambling for people to do investing. He gives a great interview.

He and Clem go to the tree lot and he is so surprised that it’s open! And they have also decorated his RV which is supposed to be a fun surprise too but he doesn’t really seem to care about that.

Clem wakes up from his nap or whatever he was doing in the RV and asks Nick about the interview. Nick says they wanted him to start that very second but he said no. I actually think this is a fair response. What kind of job is like, start this second or you don’t have the job? Well anyway, Clem is furious at Nick for this. He’s like, this is just a stupid tree lot and we only have a few more days…which actually seems like a perfectly legitimate reason to ask for a start date after the New Year. But then Clem reveals that Gracie actually wanted him to sell the lot or stop doing it or whatever if she was gone. Nick says he’s just had a really lovely time working at the lot and wasn’t ready for it to end so abruptly. So they are just really developing a great relationship.

Nick calls Wardstone Partners and seemingly asks if he can still accept the job but also doubles down and asks for a favor. Oh, and also he does this via voicemail. Come on Nick! Be brave. Don’t leave that stuff on messages.

Julie is working on some Christmas miracles of her own and calls on Mia’s mom for a favor. Is this crossing a boundary? I think yes. But no matter! It’s Christmas and we only have ten minutes to wrap this puppy up.

Nick shows up at his apartment and his dad is outside waiting for him.

Mia and her mom show up at Julie’s house and there are apparently no boundaries anymore. Mia’s mom is working on that secret favor for Julie so Julie offers to watch Mia. They’re just casually making Christmas cookies! Oh and Mia got a binder full of late work done. They are all chipper about this fact but I’m sure she and her mom were both in tears as she tried to get all caught up. Probably lots of yelling. She also had time to draw a picture for her teacher because that is what 7th graders do. She drew a start that looks EXACTLY like the one her dad made for the top of their tree that she hasn’t yet hung.

Nick takes his dad to the tree lot and they have a very lovely heart to heart. Lots of good bro talk in this movie. His dad says he didn’t mean for Nick to just be all business all the time. He cares about more stuff than that!

Julie and Matt come back to the tree lot and meet Sydney, Nick’s dad. Nick passes out a couple of gifts. He has purchased a new frame for Clem and he is over the top touched about it. He gets Matt a tool kit which is actually a really lovely gift for him.

And THEN the head of Wardstone Partners shows up at the tree lot. They figured out how to buy all the medical debt from FinnlerCo and they’re going to figure out how to handle all of that fairly so people aren’t double billed and stuff. Nick calls Julie over to hear the good news. What is great about this scene is that they actually don’t commit to just wiping out her debt. They commit to getting to the bottom of it. So that seems like a reasonable thing to do. And then Wardstone offers Nick a job wading through all of that. For some reason, Nick accepts. That job seems overwhelmingly unbearable. But Nick is stoked, so good for him I guess.

It’s Christmas Eve though, for heaven’s sake so lets get to celebrating! They all head to Nick’s. What a rag tag little crew they have for Christmas. But isn’t that what it’s all about? They share with Clem that they’ve figured out how to keep his tree lot around for each Christmas season. He is really touched because he loves doing it so much. They all toast with a drink that looks revolting. It looks like…so yellow I thought it was orange juice but I think it’s egg nog. I try not to throw up. Then, Nick and Julie finally get a moment to themselves and reflect on the last two months…or two weeks or three days…however much time has passed. And THEY KISS.

Let’s see how we scored:

• 2. Workaholic too busy for Christmas
• 4. Single Parent
• 10. Christmas Tree Lighting
• 11. Christmas Baking
• 14. Christmas puns
• 15. They are considering building something on this lot so I’m counting it
• 16. He is in danger of going out of business though not because he’s struggling financially
• 17. Dramatic pretend conflict-yes-when Julie blames Nick for FinnlerCo buying her medical debt and making things more annoying for her
• 19. A sassy and wise best friend. Clem is Nick’s sassy and wise best friend!!

Total score: 9/20

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A Christmas Miracle premiered on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries on November 14. It stars a Mowry sister! I can’t tell which one. Oh, It’s Tamera. Anyway, I’m thrilled. Let’s dive in.

Emma and her son, Tyler have just moved back to Denver from Savannah. It feels like it should be the reverse, right? They also make the streets of Denver look just PACKED. I mean, I guess. So they’ve just moved there for Emma’s job. But I think she is going back to the same company she worked at previously. Emma is dropping her son Tyler off at winter camp. He will start a new school in January, but for now will attend this winter camp. Look, I know people do this for the winter school break. But there are some things happening in this movie that make it seem like he’s going to be at winter camp for the entire month of December. Maybe Emma wrestled with having him start school before Christmas but decided it would be easier to start at the beginning of a semester. But are you allowed to just not have your kid in school? And wouldn’t it be cheaper than paying for full-time day camp? Emma, can we just think this through for a few more minutes? No? Okay, send him in to camp. She does promise him it will be their best Christmas ever. So Emma, I’m just going to mention this one more time. If he’s enrolled in school, you don’t have to pay for so many weeks of day camp and then you can get him more stuff. Alright, I’m going to release that.

In a place of business, a real tough business lady is scrolling through pictures on an iPad. Despite the stern expression on her face, Marcus hopefully asks what she thinks. She is not mad, just disappointed in him. They don’t “pop”. Marcus’s office mate, Barry says, they pop for me! So, does Barry have a crush on Marcus or is he just a super supportive friend?

Emma is in her literal broom closet of an office which is all the way down the hall from Valerie, the woman for whom she is the executive assistant. She has acquired desk Christmas trees for EVERYONE in the office and wants to pass them out. The mail delivery person is sadly incredibly touched by this. I don’t cry at the thought of this person’s presumably miserable life.

Valerie stops by Emma’s office as a way of getting her steps in. We learn Emma is just a real go getter. She’s already printed off the “phone sheets” for her boss and gotten her an iced coffee. I have questions. Whenever assistants are getting their bosses a beverage, who pays? Does the assistant have the boss’s credit card info? Is the company paying? Is the assistant getting reimbursed? What if the boss doesn’t want to pay for coffee every day but the assistant does it anyway? I see this in movies all the time and have never understood. Also, what are phone sheets and why does Valerie need them printed out and what is she going to do with them? Business things? Magazine things? If it is just to keep her contacts organized then they both should be fired.

Emma gets invited in to Valerie’s office and we learn what all this “business” is about. The “Daily Lifestyle” Magazine. HONESTLY. Can we ever come up with something that sounds real? Valerie and Emma talk about how they have their biggest issue of the year coming up-their Christmas issue. Again, I would like to ask where we’re at on the calendar. How is it Christmas break for schools but this magazine has not yet put out its Christmas issue? MARTHA is MONTHS AHEAD OF YOU. Not only have they not put out their Christmas issue, they do not yet have ANY ideas. And this year needs to be the BEST YET. Emma explains more of her background. She used to be a freelance journalist. Valerie says she knows Emma is a tad over qualified. But maybe if she does a good job, she could be a JUNIOR STAFFER!!!! Oh wow. The stakes JUST GOT RAISED.

While Valerie is looking over that important phone sheet, Emma finishes passing out the desktop Christmas trees to the rest of the staff. She meets Marcus. He tells her that by Friday, her Christmas peppy-ness is going to dwindle. The fast pace of this Daily Lifestyle magazine will crush her soul in less than a week.

Alright, the Editor in Chief called a meeting. We need to make this the BEST CHRISTMAS ISSUE EVER. EVERYONE’S IDEAS ARE GARBAGE. Following a celebrity back home for Christmas? DONE IT. Going to celebrity holiday parties? Get out of here with that idea, KAREN. Go back to your offices and think hard about whether or not you actually care about Christmas or this magazine.

Emma picks Tyler up from winter camp. He really hates it there. On their way home, they stop by a Christmas-y set up town square thing. There is a guy named “Santa Dean” playing the piano and singing. Emma’s friend and realtor meets up with them. They chat about the move and the job.

Back at home, Emma is wearing ADORABLE pajamas. And they somehow have enough time to make some headway on a gingerbread house. But poor little Tyler is falling asleep. He asks to sleep on the couch while Emma does some work. Poor little pup. This feels like maybe the most realistic thing in this movie. She starts “searching” on the line for some Christmas miracles.

The next morning, Emma has a great idea for the cover story for the Christmas episode. She talks to her new pal Marcus about how to approach Valerie about it. He gives her some tips about when and how to talk to Valerie. He also says her idea is interesting. He says “good interesting” but I don’t believe him.

She approaches Valerie when she is seemingly in a good mood. She wants to find a real life Christmas miracle to highlight. She makes some suggestions that just sound like rejected Hallmark movie plots. (High five!). Valerie is like, that’s cool or whatever. I’ll think about it.

Later, Valerie scolds Marcus because his photos of reindeer Christmas cookies are LITERAL Garbage. She throws his tablet against the wall and tells him to make the cookies all over and take the pictures again. People should FEEL something when they see pictures of Christmas cookies. They should want to drop everything they’re doing and bake those cookies. HOW ARE YOU NOT GETTING THIS MARCUS?!

In the hallway, Valerie walks by Marcus and Emma chatting. Emma asks how the pitch went with the Editor in Chief. Valerie is like, well she hates all your guys’ dumb ideas so now I have to carry this ENTIRE MAGAZINE on my back. Emma is bummed.

Back at her house, Emma has a nice chat with her bff about balancing it all as a single mom. Emma, I think you are doing a GREAT JOB. Sincerely. So does her friend.

The next day at the staff meeting, Valerie tells the staff to get working on the ideas they pitched earlier. But none of them are going to be the cover story so DON’T BOTHER. Valerie again says she’s going to be handling the cover story and DON’T ASK what it’s about. Emma asks if she can go pick up a Christmas tree for the office. Valerie, in a twist, is WORKING FOR MARCUS and offers him to help.

Emma and Tyler meet Marcus at the tree lot. Tyler feels like the most realistic child in a Hallmark movie to date. He is very shy meeting new people. Marcus is really great to him and he warms up to him. They talk about photography. In amongst the trees, Tyler picks a GIANT tree for their house. Emma says its way too big but is worried about disappointing Tyler. Marcus tells Tyler a story about the best kinds of trees and essentially talks Tyler out of the gigantic tree and into a much more reasonably sized one. Emma is so pleased.

They get to the office and I audibly chuckle. Emma wanted to buy a tree to give the office some holiday cheer. Well, there is barely any room for a tree in the lobby area because EVERY SQUARE INCH is covered in Christmas decorations. I think there is even another tree. There is a cute moment of poor Marcus trying to get the tree in straight all by himself. He’s gonna need someone else to hold that bad boy up. After that, Marcus is like well I’m gonna head home if no one needs anything else. Tyler asks if he can stay. They have a a quick Christmas decorating montage.

The next morning, everyone is so filled with holiday cheer thanks to that tree. But they were not filled with holiday cheer from the other decorations lining every remaining inch of that lobby. Again, did the executive assistant have to pay for this out of her own pocket? Or can Valerie unilaterally decide to drop $200 of the company’s money on a tree? I’m not comfortable with either option.

In the hallway, Emma overhears Valerie talking to the Editor in Chief. Valerie TOTALLY STOLE HER IDEA. Emma is pretty dang hurt.

She goes to talk to Marcus about it. Marcus suggests she just pretend that she doesn’t know. Emma is not sure if she can pretend not to know. She says this great line “Have you met my face?!”. So great. Valerie pops her head in and Emma gets her first chance to demonstrate being fake. Success!

Valerie meets with a writer and asks him to come up with a Christmas miracle story. She offers him the biggest Christmas bonus of his life if he is successful.

Down in Emma’s obscenely decorated broom closet, Marcus asks if she’d like to take a break. She says she needs to just put her nose to the grindstone and work hard. But he talks her in to taking a break. They go outside and presumably get coffee. He tells her she should just do the article herself. She pops in to winter camp and see’s poor, sad Tyler coloring by himself. They go back to town square and see Santa Dean playing the piano again. After he’s done playing, he gives all his tips to the bell ringer. He says he just plays for fun. They chat for a littl bit and Anna tells Santa Dean what his favorite song is. I guess this is a different scene and she’s not on the break with Marcus because he’s nowhere to be found. Emma’s friend thinks she should just do the article too.

Emma and Tyler have a cute grilled cheese moment. In the morning, Emma tells Marcus that she is going to go for it! She’s going to write the article and present it to the bosses when she’s done. She’s wearing a great green top.

The nameless writer found a miracle story and brings them in to meet Valerie. They tell a story that actually sounds like a movie I would watch next year. They are both librarians and they bought this old house. They found a First Edition of a Charles Dickens novel that was signed by him and presumably given to his son Henry. The guy’s name is Henry! And they think if they sell it, they will have enough money to keep a literacy program going where they both volunteer. Well, that is…an underwhelming story. And I have questions. Charles Dickens is British and this story takes place in Denver. I know Charles Dickens did a couple US tours but the first one was before A Christmas Carol was written and he didn’t make it very far west on the second tour. So this book would have been purchased by the previous owner and then forgotten? Also, does Hallmark know about any other 19th Century authors? Why would this book be in the floor boards? This book can’t possibly bring in enough money for that. And finally, why haven’t they just done it already. Anyway, they’re stoked about it and think this is a great Christmas miracle. At this point, I think we will hear a few pitches and then decide. Nope! Valerie is so stoked about this whole thing she is ready to sign them right up.

That evening, Emma takes Tyler to go ice skating. Oh yay! She’s wearing hockey skates. They both don’t really know what they’re doing but they’re having a great time. Marcus shows up. He heard Emma mention her plans so he decided to be super creepy and show up there. Tyler sees some kids from winter camp but doesn’t want to say hi. Marcus gives him a nice pep talk and Tyler races over to introduce himself. As the mom of a pretty shy pup, I find this scenario unlikely but I also feel proud that Tyler is being so brave. Marcus has an idea for her story and as they chat about it, Anna loses her balance and Marcus catches her. We’re in this!!

Later, they all go back to the town square and see Santa Dean playing. They chat with him some more. And Santa Dean gives Tyler a quick lesson. Emma makes a comment about how he must have played professionally before and that he seems familiar. He brushes all of that off. Marcus is snapping pics the whole time. They think he’s not giving them the whole story. They whip out their phone and camera to video him in a totally non-creepy way. They decide to do some digging on ol Santa Dean. Maybe there is a Christmas miracle in the making.

At the morning staff meeting, Valerie is in a great mood. She brought pastries!! What a great day. She’s checking in on all the stories and gives Marcus a compliment. Anna says she hasn’t found out any more information about Santa Dean. No one around the park knows anything about him!

That night, Tyler is hanging out with Emma’s friend so Marcus and Emma hit the streets. They have a lovely chat about Emma co-parenting with her ex-husband. They see Santa Dean coming out of a diner. Anna goes in and asks about him. She finds out that he was part of a jazz trio but they stopped performing over ten years ago.

The next day, Tyler is suddenly very excited about going to winter camp. Well that is very good news. At work, Emma shares that she tracked down one of the former members of the trio. The last time they spoke was when they stopped playing TEN YEARS AGO. They decide to go meet with Paul. Paul is wearing the MOST RIDICULOUS CLOTHES for a man that age. He has a newsboy cap perched atop his head and a scarf draped around his neck. They wanted his outfit to make clear that this is a JAZZ MUSICIAN. Paul tells us the backstory. Dean missed a lot of his daughter’s life due to being a professional jazz musician. It’s the age old take. You know how it was for jazz musicians in the late 00s- brutal touring schedule, the parties, recording. So anyway, now his daughter doesn’t speak to him at all.

Emma, having no additional information, comes up with a truly terrible idea. She wants to reunite Dean and his daughter-again, having zero idea as to what caused the rift. Marcus is like, I don’t think you should meddle in something like that. But Anna is undeterred.

They go to pick up Tyler and the teacher mistakes Marcus for Tyler’s dad. One of Tyler’s friends asks if he can come over for dinner. And then they go back to the piano. Marcus and Emma head to town square to find Santa Dean to ask him if he would be willing to let them write the story. In a VERY nice way, Dean accuses them of just using him for a story. Marcus tries too but is unsuccessful. Probably because this is INCREDIBLY inappropriate.

The next day at work, Valerie tells them they’ll both be working all weekend on this secret cover story. Emma has to schedule a photo shoot for the couple. Doesn’t Valerie realize they’re going to figure out that she stole her idea pretty soon? Then Emma invites Marcus to join them for caroling later. She says, “it’s a date!” But then dies of embarrassment. Barry cries silently at his desk. Valerie needs “Graphics” in her office to go over “layout”.

It’s caroling time! So FUN. They’ve got fake candles. And then they sing a song called “Up on the Rooftop”??!! Could they not get the rights to the actual song? Up on the HOUSETOP? Come on Emma. Next, they go find Cissy, Dean’s daughter, at the theatre she works at. Surprise, surprise-Cissy is not interested. Cissy says that he wasn’t exactly “Father of the Year”. Emma does not understand sarcasm and tries to say that all parents are trying their best. But Emma has NO IDEA what her life with her dad was like. She plays the violin at the theatre so she has some musical talent like her dad. And then has to get ready for the performance. But while Marcus is waiting outside, he sees that Dean is going to watch Cissy’s performance. He keeps zooming in as if it is not 100 percent obvious that it is him.

The next day, they are doing a photo shoot with the “Christmas Miracle” couple. They are taking individual photos with the book. Emma says, boy, you must be stoked about how this will bring awareness to children’s literacy! And Henry says, no actually we are hoping this helps launch my wife’s career as an author! Emma finds this suspicious. Then Santa Dean texts. He’s in!! They hug.

Okay so for most of this movie, I couldn’t tell if her name is Emma or Anna. It truly sounds like it could be either one. But at this point in the movie, closed captioning tells me it is definitely “Emma”. So Emma and her friend are having some girl talk while they make cookies.

The next day Emma and Marcus meet with Dean and they learn more about what happened between Dean and his daughter. It is…underwhelming. But I think he still comes across as the bad guy. He missed her graduation because of his grueling tour schedule. She is upset and he says that they both said things they shouldn’t have said. But like, in this scenario, shouldn’t he just have said he was sorry? I don’t know. I wasn’t there. And then we discover they haven’t spoken in ten years. They encourage him not to give up and to perform a Christmas Eve Concert.

Barry catches Marcus in the office on a Sunday working on Emma’s story.

At home, Emma is working on her story and Valerie sends her a text about changing the layout. Valerie isn’t concerned about Emma being upset or making a comment about the idea? I mean, all Emma has to say is, oh you used my idea! Cool! So anyway, Emma searches for similar editions of the Charles Dickens book online. They are for sale for like, $9500. Not really enough to qualify as a Christmas Miracle, I think.

Marcus calls and she says she finished her article. He asks her to celebrate and go out to eat. Isn’t it the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? They go out to eat and Emma brings her article. He is BLOWN AWAY by her writing. They have a nice conversation. She plans to give the article to Valerie first thing in the morning. And then she shares how weird the cover story couple, the Millers, are. It is not adding up to her. She thinks maybe they are scamming the magazine to get some free publicity. Emma says she is going to share her suspicions with Valerie in the morning. Marcus is like, why would you do that? She stole your idea. Emma gets mad at him because she says she’s just trying to do the right thing. Not sure that merits walking out before eating but okay.

The next morning, Emma shares her concerns about the couple with Valerie. Valerie is like, we fact checked this. You have no idea what you’re talking about. Nice try girl! And then Marcus swoops in and says he found out that the very copy the Millers have was purchased just a week and a half earlier. Valerie is a little frazzled. Luckily, Anna has the solution!

At the staff meeting, the Editor in Chief is just BLOWN AWAY. Valerie gives Emma and Marcus all the credit in front of the Editor in Chief. And I think she offers Emma a promotion. Valerie apologizes to Marcus and Emma.

It’s time for the big Christmas Eve Concert! Will Cissy show up? Nobody knows. She’s had a week’s notice for heaven’s sake. Paul is committed to that look apparently. Anything is possible on Christmas Eve! They dedicate the performance to Cissy and Dean gives a nice little speech. Nobody sees her but the band is just about to start playing. It is RIGHT THEN when they hear a violin playing “Silent Night” from somewhere in the back of all the audience. She slowly walks up while playing the violin. They sing and play “Silent Night” all together.

Marcus and Emma have a nice moment and then THEY KISS.

Let’s see how the movie stacks up!

• 4. Single Parent
• 7. I’m going to call the Christmas Concert a Pageant here
• 11. Christmas Baking
• 12. Winter Athletics
• 14. Christmas puns
• 19. A sassy and wise best friend
• 20. Christmas montage

Total score: 7/20